AlWaYs LoOk oN tHe BriGhT Side Of LiFe..........

I'M BACK IN THE BLOGGING WORLD!!!!!!

2007-04-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

HEY EVERY BODY!!!!!!! i'm back!!!!! hahaha.....

quick updates..... i dun enjoy going to work anymore thanx to my new supervisor....

but i'm still not leaving RAFFLES MEDICAL yet.....

turning 21 soon.... cant wait for my advance party at the chalet....

invited as many frens i can get hold of.... but dunnoe d outcum... dun care.....

my along and angah will b there.....

these two are my priorities....

i want people to know the two faces who had been giving me strength and d reason for living....

lyfe hadnt been easy for me....

but den again it nvr was..... but as da saying said....

u will b stronger by evry suffering dat u haf to face...

susah dulu, senang kemudian...... anyway, i gotta go....

will be udating again... if not here, i'll be updating thru my

friendster account.... peace peach and peaches....

luv ya........

... disappointed ....

2006-11-24T19:06:00.000+08:00

i'm disappointed and sad.....

i care so much for my frens....

and i know they do care about me too....

and maybe bcoz of dat, they refused to tell me wad's bothering them.....

well, HELLO PEOPLE!!!!!

dun u guys realise, wadeva's bothering u guys are actually bothering me too????

huh????

stop pretending u're fine wen u're not....

. i know u guys well enough.....

and i dun think u guys know me well enough....

aww.... so sad... anyways, Ii'm stressed up.... so tired.....

and shafiqah is driving me crazy currently on the phone .... pushing me to go out on a date...

a blind date.... okay she called it a hang out....

hello crazy girl....it's so not me....

......okaylah got to go.......

aint getting any better....

2006-11-14T07:38:00.000+08:00

my life around my family aint getting any better......

sumtymz i just feel dat i forgot how to luv them....

d only person at home i express my luv to is my adik....

and she is d only person who express her luv to me too....

it's a poor thing she failed all of her subjects.....

and as usual, my mum blames d two elder sister......

"ada kakak2 pun tak leh harap".....

she forgot dat we're working is it????

i've been sick for the past two days...... y'day i felt worst coz, i'm not only sick....

but i felt hurt and totally depressed by mum.... i dunnoelah.... i'm juz too sad......

but after toking to fariz and especially doreen.....( i horribly wants to talk to ash or ayun the first two person dat i badly wants to tok with but cant reach them) i felt slightly better.... thanx doreen.... thanx fariz.......

klah i gotta go.... wanna haf a quick nap first before opening clini.... hahahaha nytes.....

.....i'm so upset......

2006-11-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

guys i want all of u to picture this.....

how do u feel wen u found sumthing that is so dear to u ruined.....

and d person whom u know for sure did it wont admit it????

i'm lyk so upset and frustrated.... i love dat thing so much.....

it's d only thing dat belongs to me that i can proudly say that it's mine.....

i dunnoe whether i can forgive her for that.....

anyways.... happy story next....

went to vivocity twice.... the first tym was with joey, fariz, and alfie and shahdan.....

okaylah was fun.... i smiled and laugh my way throughout..... damn joey.... u do have good taste.... ur date's cute....

the 2nd tym was wif fiqah, fyza ayun and adi......

it was a blast.... wen i'm around fiqah(who refused to grow up)

i feel lyk a child again.... yes i'm crazy.... and i know that... it's just dat wen i'm around her, i'm crazier......we had loads of fun together.....

drop by for a short while to see fariz....

his frenz were there too.. k lah dorg fun jugak.... hopefully i get a chance to know them better....

they seems cool.....

i guess, sum of u will be surprised and guess am i frens again wif fariz??

answer yes.... i totally let go of the past wen he make an effort to call me and greet me hari raya on the first day......

it really touched me lah... he seems sincere enough..... anyways, if i can forgive sumone lyk fiqah. y cant i forgive him.... yes., i know i'm too forgiving..... but if god who creates mankind can forgive anybody, y cant i???? a hopeless helpless human being....

still waiting for the days to go out with him and his frens again....

klah...gtg.... see ya peeps.... TAKING CARES....

annoying people annoys me badly....

2006-10-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

wad's wrong with u??? if u wanna tok, tok....
can u stop leaving me hanging evrytm u reappear out of no where???
wad's ur problem???
i'm willing to spare my tym and call u up....
wadeva lah....

i'm sick and tired of my life oredi...
thanx to people, I DUN EVEN KNOW WAD I WANT IN LIFE.....
evrything seems not enough....
but wen evrything is enough, i have nothing......

i dun fit in anywhere....
honestly i dun....
evryday i grow hating myself more than d day b4.....
sometymz i feel as if i'm faking evry smile i portray....
AAAARRGGHH.....
i wanna runaway!!!!!

and ppl.....
can u try to learn and put ur shoes on sombody else's??
can u ppl stop being annoying especially wen i'm FASTING?????
PLEASE.....

p/s let hope dat my nxt entry be a jovial one.... mardiana gerl... cant wait to meet u up......

annoying people annoyz me so....

2006-10-05T00:14:00.000+08:00

MY LIFE IS GETTING MORE CMPLICATING...

2006-09-09T00:50:00.000+08:00

Sumtyms it juz irks me wif ppl's behaviour... be it my family, colleauges frenz or juz anyone.... Eversince i start work, ppl keep saying dat i have no tym for other things in lyfe than weq..... wenever i'm bz and feel lyk doing my weq.... my frenz will ask me out.....wen i say i'm not free, they simply couldnt understand and bombarded me with sarcasm.... but wen i make myself free for them, last minute cancellation or they juz dun haf d tym... and s a nurse who had been with ppl all day long.... and being a human being myself i can tell whether sum1 is obligated to be with me or not.... and it hurts wen u can feel dat d person is pretending to enjoy going out wif u...... if i can understand dat others r bz weqing and hf no tym for me.... why cant they??? weqing in a clinic is not so free okay.....

sumtymz i wonder why others can haf fun.... whereas i cant.... i hate it so much when i'm so looking forward to go out with my frens, all plans and hopes was cancelled at d very laz minute.... sumtymz at diz point of tym, i juz wanna shut my doors frm anyone or evryone and let my paperwork distract me frm all these minor heartbreaking nonsense dat is already breaking my heart........ yes steph they're not human beings dat i can share my problems with..... but they are d things dat kept me busy rather than thinking wad's bothering me.... wat am i suppose to tell my frenz???? dat i dun feel dat i fit in anywhere??? dat i feel dat they dun deserve a fren who is emotionally disturbed and hypersensitive????? dat i will nvr fit in wif ppl who is so carefree and can enjoy lyfe??? i wanna enjoy life too.... but wherever i go.... i will always here this.... kau nie slow lah... kau nie lambat arh kau nie ketinggalan zaman arh.... why cant dey see dat it hurts??? y cant dey tell dat i cant enjoy wif ppl lyk dem if i keep on listening to those type of remarks.... y cant dey say dat dats d reason y i cant fit in... y cant dey see dat dat is d reason i rather go out by myself and learn things myself...... aini, guess wat?? they'll nvr understand.... and aini, i dun think u're fated to have fun...... forget of having fun..... forget it.....

harlows...

2006-07-09T01:34:00.000+08:00

hai fwenz.... sorie for not updating for such a long time... been very busy... who says dat working in a clinic is easy job?stressful but tolerable lah so far(sofa kerusi meja).....

i enjoyed working there.... lotsa fun events lining up for my future experience... juz returned from family day today... shiok.... took part in their football match.... my oub team is known as black baeuty coz we're the only female teams and wearing black.... we won eventhough we challenge the winning team.... we won... but the first prize goes to the other team instead of us... so depressing... say sorry........

after that my operation executive, ms dezima, sent safiah and her kid home....then aliff, our last minute player, home... then sent me to hougang for my cousin's bday...thanxx many2 the very2 yeah kak dezi........ my cousin, after a few months i didnt see him coz he went overseas finally met him... took photos wif him.....lots... will post ASAP... he's with emirates.... as an air steward...haizz... he's freaking good looking to me.... enjoyed chit chatting wif him..... wanna know his name? he used o be one of cleo's top eligible bachelor as well as manja'ssome competition...can't remember what it is.... k.... his name is ALFRED FADLY BIN ABDULLAH KHAN......if i'm not mistaken that's his real name lorr.... or it's the other way round.... wateva it is, he's my cousin.....miz u sey abg fadly....

k lah i gtg... c u all nxt d tym...

2006-06-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

hai people....my working life is superb... i love having lunch at my executive lounge and chit chat wif d doctors... luv talking to my superiors....or should i say colleagues....i felt d burden and stress of working already immediately after they make me take over pre=employment paperwork...but the stress of working is much more heavenly then the stress i'm facing at home...my mum complains to my grandma... she told her wadeva dat she hates bout me... nvm lah... yang dia bencikan pun anak kandung dia sendiri.... sometimes she makes me feel dat i dun belong to her... nvm lah....

i'm sad... i miz ash to the core sey...ash i need to talk to u sey... i tried talking things to other of my frens but someway or another i juz need to talk to u.... haiz....nvm lah... got to get to use to this....

i left work 915pm lyk dat today... temankan kak sal dgn kak joyce....sambil-sambilan habiskan paperwork aku skali..... happy giler sey tgk paperwork ku dah berkurangan sikit.... happy to the max and jacks....haiz....

dah 2 hari ke tiga hari gitu tak jumpa bro dgn sis ku... ayun and fiza....biler mahu lepakingz lagikz..... dahdah lamalama tak lepaklepak katkat boat quay kan??? ekekeke.... kiter lepakingz eh....

haizz

2006-05-28T20:22:00.000+08:00

juz read zuin's blog.... there's diz baghero by the name of someone is destroying her tagboard.. remind me of the tym my tagboard was sabotage... i dun get it.... why is ppl so mean??? do they think they're perfect enough to give them the right to criticize otherz?? dun they know dat there's no such things as perfect in this imperfect world... and ingat... Allah s.w.t bila2 masa boleh ambik balik apa yg telah diberikan olehNya utk kiter.... how can we easily lookdown on God's creation when we ourselves are God's creations???haizz....

kepada ash lagi... happy b'dae again... hope u lyk d present yg tak seberapa... i SURPRISED u!!! hehehe... lyk ur reaction man...oh yeah kau dah bnyk dedicate kan aku lagu yg touching2 and meaningful.... i juz realize dat one of my most fave song sajak utk ditujukan utk kau sempena kau masok ns nanti... moga-moga biler kau dgr lagu tu teringatkan akulah eh... it's d most popular oldsong from richard marx... my 4eva fave.... RIGHT HERE WAITING.... ingat lah slalu yg adik kau nie satu akan senantiasa menunggu kepulangan abg ngah nya yg terloving....

oklah dats bout it...got to go.... sleepy babe.....

I SURVIVE MY 1ST WEEK OF WORKING LIFE....

2006-05-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

started week on monday.... it was fun though... tiring... after my work on monday go and meet up wif my abg long n abg ngah and azizah and adi...was very hyperactive.... ash told me dat i was hyperactive den i usually was..... dat embarass me coz i think i made a total fool of myself in front of zizah... but ayun prefer me to behave dat way coz he told me dat it was how i was lyk wen he knew me b4 and i could keep up wf him.... hee...

in short lah kan... i went out wif my frenz from mon-fri aft weq....fri met nurul.... today met nurul den ayun... I'M TIRED... BUT LOVING IT.... my mum's not happy lah.... c'monlah i still want to spent tym wif my frenz say.... before i got really busy wif work...

i enjoy d staff at my workplace.... friendl, patient and helpful... i can approach anyone easily.... accept for daisy lah... i'm scared of her but she's actually really sweet.... one of my colleague reminded me of joey... her shortness, her smile her characteristic and her english accent SO LIKE JOEY.... female version of joey.... kwangkwang kwang........

kepada ashahari bin jabbar....... sempena hari jadi kau yg ke 20 yg jatuh pada 28 may 2006...... SELAMAT HARI JADI..... hei ash.... haf a happy bdae ok.... i wanna c u smile n juz b happy lyk u've always been.... keep smiling keep shining.... i know i nvr told u b4 dat i'm very grateful dat we became frenz.... i enjoyed ur company lots.... thanx for giving me moral and emo support throughout our frenship... thanx for being patient with my nonsense.... i'm not good at word as u r... all i want to tell u is dat i want u to know dat i really appreciate u as my friend and bro....if u need anyone to talk... u know u can come to me k??? i'm always here for u to pour out ur worries... but please pardon me if i din gif u any encouraging words or say anything u need to hear.... i'm not good at consoling... i'm good at listening.... remember adik luv angah many2 very strong.... hehehe....ab long pun care utk kau.... fyi, i'm surprise on howmy extended siblings ayun n fiza can click easily wif u.... i'm so happy.... bsok kiter jumpa k???happy bdae again.... SAYANG KAU!!!

whoopee!!!

2006-05-19T13:49:00.000+08:00

Went out wif my two "bros" yesterday.... met ash first after my hep-b screening.... den jln2 wif him while waiting for abg long (ayun).... he got into a fight!!! no wonder he's BLOODY late... den met him up at bonsai garden.... another discovery!!! it's a nice chilling place.... den we make our way to starbucks... ayun bought me a box of ferrerro rocher... i loike.... den at starbucks he bought for me ice blended chocolate i guess... but it's a nice drink lah.... den me abg long (ayun) and abg ngah (Ash) share 1 piece of oreo cheesecake... i dun really like cheesecake so i took only a few of it.... but d lepakingz overall i'm loving it!!! den d 2 of them accompany me at Boon Lay bus int coz ash notice 2 guys are looking at me suspiciously... aww so sweet thank you... LOVE YOU 2 VERY STRONG.... ok i admit throughout our time together, most of the tym, i was bullied by them.. but still I'M LOVING IT!!!!!!

Today, ayun,fiza adi and ASH, is coming over my place my mum cooked beefstik for them.....m but i'll cook mee goreng for ash lah... coz he dun eat meat.... nvm ash ku masakkan hang ye.....

klah gtg cant wait for them to be here...

2006-05-18T11:18:00.000+08:00

It was 2 months ago when i last viewed my flickr account... y? it's bcoz i'm not prepared to view photos dat bring back memories...some are inviting but some are all mighty frightening..... for example photos of the problematikz bring back memories of my glorious tym performing.... while my sentosa outing photos wif kadik n bears bring back piercing memories.... i deleted some photos coz looking at them just make me boil.... hurts me and giving me terrible headaches... cant wait to upload new photos....

the photos i enjoy watching are honestly photos of me and my brother ayun..... me and fiza....and photos taken at school....cant wait to upload photos of me and ash...nurul... i really need those photos... thank u many2...

my dad predict something yesterday that totally altered my mood... i hope his prediction is incorrect.... i dun wanna lose anyone no more....='(

My Outing Wif Ash's frenz...

2006-05-18T00:41:00.000+08:00

My first outing wif them is wen we go watch anugerah skrin on monday.... den eat at adam's road... oklah dorg fun.... but since i'm still new, i juz kept quiet.... segan... kiter ada kemaluan mestilah tau malu.... heehee...

den on wednesday went sentosa outing wif them.... had tremendous fun... ash pecah secret aku.. buat malu jer.... but it turns out well... nice bunch of people.... after dat juz now suppose to go watch movie wif ayun and fiza semua.... but den, my mum needed my rescue coz my sis bf is duming home.... per sey patutnya dia lah yg tlg... nvm2... kesian mama ku sakit.... eeee geram nyer aku.... ayun jgn marah eh.... we go nxt tym...

k lah wanna upload new photos of me... gtg.... bubbyes.... ayun fiza ben adi thanx for evrything.... hilda mio shafiq lia thanx for d fun n laughter juz now.... ashahari thanx for ALL dat u done for me... thanx for juz being u... sorry if i got on ur nerves easily diz few days... i try my bez to tone down k??? luv u a;; very strong...

I HAD THE TIME OF MY BREAK!!

2006-05-16T14:43:00.000+08:00

Went to ayun's chalet last friday...met isnan there... ok he's still da same... same hairdo... same smile... at night, went to MM... fun.... den we stayed up all nite by the beach...

on saturday morning while i was asleep, got a msg from fil....updating me... terperanjat baboon jugak aku...heehee... too bad my card is low... i would have talked wif her...den me msg hamidi.... den me msg ash... den ayun reply to ash msg coz me too sleepy to type.... dat was about 1230 pm i think... masih blum mandi or mkn yet....me, fizah, ayun,adi, and yanti nyer kakak stilll sleeping...den at around 1pm me go mandi... after mandi eat mee soto wif em... den went up to sleep again... even wif d radio on full blast thanx to amir, we still can sleep... especially me... very sleepy sey....den we fully rechargedour battery around 6+ to 7 lyk dat... but still sleepy....hehehe...

at nite mimi came... wif mamat.... den we dance and dance mcm club sendiri.... happening babe....den in the morning ard 7 ayun n yanti jerit "EPOK2,GORENG PISANG, KELADI KELEDEK(diz part i'm not sure juz hentam jer)den dey say BABI PANGGANG" cekik darah kan???

gtg now nak ambik adik... continue l8er.....

LEPAKINGZ...

2006-05-11T22:38:00.000+08:00

wat did i do today?? went out with ashahari and mio to sentosa at tanjong beach.... sori arh mio, i tak bawa baju xtra... kesian dia nak mandi tk dpt....oklah eventhough it's juz d 3 of us, it's very relaxing and fun... bnyk ambik gambar... tinggal upload jer.... mio cute.... evrything about her is cute lah... mcm nak cubit2 jer pipi dia... but i manage to resist sebab still new... muz gif good first impression babe... (good impression?? me?? PUH-LEASE!!!! my laughter alone can make anyone runaway... wakakaka..) klah kiter mkn... (they makan i juz watch.. but eat my roti telur and cookies lah) baring2.... taking photos.... ku main pasir main air.... draw nama.... den we head back home when it start drizzling...

den went harbourfront... msg bro ayun... met him... we both excited...hehehe.. bout something... hehehe... i also cant wait lah bro.... hehehe... sama2 giler... kata adik bradik... hikhikhik....

ash lain kali hang nk lepakings dgn mio ajak lah aku.... gerek arh tadi kiter tiga org... rilekz ajer.... enjoyz... kat rumah leh tido nak tido tepi pantai dlm kepanasan terik juga.... and ash, amalkan slalu gi tanning pakai baju yek..... hehehehe........

klah annie jasmin gilerz seybibelle slengz sudah ngantuk.... ardios....

pic nanti che letak baru nah.... wait long long many2 months k?hehehe

2006-05-10T18:57:00.000+08:00

i'm in my mixed emotions again... mood alert! mood alert!! heehee... klah honestly i'm boring many2... cant wait to start work... but nervous many2 too... hopefully, i have nice colleagues.... and hopefully i lost alot of weight drastically.... huahuahua....

i missed dancing lah... i danced alone at my room last two days... oklah i sweat like i nvr sweat before... haiz... i'm bored to death sey... wanna go shopping.... wanna go makeover.... wanna buy digicam wanna buy new hp... wanna buy laptop or me own computer... hehehehe.... cant wait to work and own me own money...... HAAAAIIIIZZZZZ......

Arent u uys tired of my same old photos??Well i do n those memories seriously pierce me over n over again... soon wanna change picture... soon..

my best fwen cum bro is back!!!

2006-05-10T10:16:00.000+08:00

ash is back!!! yeah!!! ash is back!!! but i have to be cautious lah.... hehehe gurau je.... btw eh kwn2 muka aku ni muka anting2 ke? zizah pegi thailand belikan ku anting2... ash pergi thailand pun belikan aku anting2 juga.... hehehe... both i loike.... ni semua gara2 fiza lah... dia yg start the trend kasi gue anting2..... tapi nice... eh salah "nace".... stail..... hahaha.... after 10 days of not meeting that bugger up, i met him yesterday ... i laugh at all his stories.... then he asked me how's my life... i told him dun ask... but he insist so... i told him wats wrong wif me.... inclusive of me putting on 2 kg.... i really miss u ash...

finally after 1 week and 3 days of staying home, i went out.... really enjoy meeting up wif nurul,zizah,ash and ayun.... oh yeah i merajok dgn bro semlm jap bcoz he kasar bahasa to me.... pandai pula dia say sori and call me up twice aft i reject his call and ignore his msg.... alah kesian arh... tak leh marah dia long2.... hehehe..... btw i like his haircut now....

for today stay at home... for tmr i dunnoe... bsok bnyk nah org ajak me kluar.... ash steph di kadik...... bnyk lah...but the choice i think it's obvious lah kan.... hmm...i c lah who i'll follow.... limit2 ku tak ikot sesaper...

k lah cinderella skrg nak kemas rumah... hehehe....oh yeah i think i'm suffering from bulimic disorder..... hahaha... no lah anorexic..... hehehe.... nolah juz jokin.... oklah ppl... i gtg.... luv you all, yg tgh membaca ni blog karut ciptaan annie jasmin gilerz seybibelle slengz, very strong....

diana sarijan if u're reading this.... i'm sorry about y'day... i'll make it up to u nxt tym... ampun permaisuri...

2006-05-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

I cant believe it... i totally cant belive it.... i gained weight.... lots n lots of it.... oh my goodness... this not happening... so not happening... i need tog et out of my house... seriously somebody please save me.....

i'm watching "so u think u can dance".... i miz dancing.... i miz performing... wen can i dance again... i wanna go clubbing again... i blew my cover in front of my sis.... i need to gather my courage b4 friday and tell my sister i need a break from reality... for once... i need to be away from my family... including her.... all i want isto spent time wif my frenz.... datz d best break i can ever have... i needed that...

i need to lose weight.... aini stop eating.... yes i know u're stress but binging urself wonthelp..=(

....WhY iS LiFe So CoMpLiCaTiNg.....

2006-05-08T17:05:00.000+08:00

why is life so complicating??why are my relatives come running to my family only when they have problems?? why is my life such a rollercoaster?? why is it such a blur to me???when can i complete my incomplete jigsaw puzzle??? ash i need u back.... wen will u be back.... u've been gone for only a few days and i'm so completely loss.... ayun i need u too.... when can we juz chill one place n talk things with each other??? i dun care if fiza and adi is there too... they're part of the characters in my new chapter....(i think) qingxian, hamidi..... i'm missing u guys... wherever i go now i cant stop thinking of my 17th birthday i spent it with d both of u, andy,jerome,and my girlfrens.....jerome i need u back too... i want u to call me crazy woman.... crazy bitch... whatever u called me before i need to hear it back again.... makcik2 dunearn ku....wen can ALL of us go out together??

i may be happy... maybe cheerful and jovial.... but it's just a mask to cover up my tormental feelings i have within me.... i'm so scared.... i'm so insecure.... i'm so tired,....

oklah perut ku lapar... ku nak pergi mkn...

2006-05-04T16:23:00.000+08:00

went to collect my transcript today and register at snb... now, i'm a qualified nurse after receiving my practising cert... i cant believe i'm a nurse.... i cant believe i've acheived my dreams of becoming a nurse....

he msg me... wanna start things anew... i'll think it over is all i can say... n dat wat i'll do...i'll tink....

i'm utterly confused rite now... very confused.... i need to do an acitvity.... i need to dance again... i need to run cycle or jog.... i need to.... juz need to....='( .... i wanna be happy again... i wanna smile and laugh non-stop again and again.....i wanna stop diz heartache and headache... it's hurting not just me but those who r really close to me too..

2006-05-03T18:35:00.000+08:00

ash went for his hols today... gonna miz him many2... yeah i know it's only for 5 days.... but eversince school ends, he's been d only one i communicate with anything under d sun... i will nvr fail to laugh evryday eventhough i got a rough day thanx to him.... but i have to tolerate 5 days w/o talking to him.... aiyoh.... i'm suffocating... today confirm 100% guarantee plus chop bro ayun wont b calling me coz he's going back tamp....he bought a new hp today motorola razr v3i... eh?? ntah lah... but he bought 1st hand nye tau.... i accompany him juz now...aww... both of my bro wont b calling me tonight... I'M DROWNING..... *annie sings drowning*

went for my medical check up today... i gain 2 kg.... my goodness... no good no good sign.... me not going to eat.... me gonna start dance at home again.... do lotsa household chores... no more junkfood for d meantym.... exceptional for chocolates...i luv em... but no more food... for d meantym.... ok2 i'll eat a small portion but no more 2nd serving... annie watch ur diet!!!! nanti tak muat uniform....hehehe.....

i'm sad today coz missing ash... happy but sad coz saw ayun(happy) and saw ayun so stressed up,so not himself(sad)..... i'm also insane today..... dunnoe why.... ayun jerome ash.... i luv d 3 of u very strong hehehe.... thnx for being my pillar of strength and craziness.... to jerome sorry i hurt ur feelings last nite... thanx for tolerating my nonsense this past 7 yearz.... we should meet up some day again....=)

k lah annie jasmin gilerz seybibelle slengz outz... peace peach peaches..... luv y'all.....

AAaArrGGhhHH!!!!!

2006-05-01T21:54:00.000+08:00

aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh...... i'm BLOODY BORED (with slang accent)so bloody bored.... three days straight.... i repeat.... three days straight nuzur'aini binte zakaria, who always went chilling outside stayed at home for THREE DAYS straight.... my dear maisarah i know u wont believe this but u better believe......it's gonna b FOUR tomorrow.... my i cant stand this.... yes i enjoyed having d family bond again.... i did had a good laugh with my family.... especially father... i miss cracking up jokes with my father.... i love u abah... and... for these 3 days i return back to my former life of becoming UGLY Cinderella again...do the same daily routine of household chores sampai aku pun malas nak buat.... huahuahua....

oh yeah i also check up on my culinary skills..... i cooked on sunday and today....sunday my infamous....... drumroll please.... SAMBAL SARDINE..... first time in my culinary history licin... habis.... my abah said it was nice....this is how he said..... ,"ntah eh mcm mana nari lauk ain boleh sedap..... mungkin lapar kot..."eleh lapar konon mkn berkali2... it may seem as an insult but i took it as a compliment.... alah sudah terang muka aini dah setebal tembok.... rock climbing wall pun tak tebal.... setebal great wall of china mungkin jugak......for today, i cook jengjengjeng...... drumroll.... c'mon give a round of applause for my CURRY CHICKEN.... actually i lost the recipe so i just hentam asal boleh masak mana yg ku ingat...... first abah kata tawar and terlalu pekat... then ku alter balik.... mak ku rasa dia lak kata masin... wakaka.... apa2 je lah.... yg ku tahu... belum sampai besok lauk ku dah pun nak habis... ni confirm case lapar.... tapi kan undoubtfully....lauk ku boleh lah tahan jugak....ceh... i cant believe i still can cook after all this while..... huahuahua... aini dah kembang sendiri.... oh tidak!!!!

tgk ash aku pun boleh masak lah.... hehehe.... ok missing tym... i miss my brother ayun very much..... cant stop thinking about him..... ashahari miss lepakingz wif him.... nvm i'll take this three days as a training for me to handle d borednes of not meeting my kaki nonsense who will be going of for his holiday on the 3 MAY!!!! ASH JGN TINGGAL AKU..... speaking of jangan tinggal aku.... brani hang nyanyi lagu tu pat tagboard aku eh.... jaga kau ash aku kerja kan kau nanti... siapkan cottonwool kau nanti aku membebel kat kau.... tapi biler tu ku jumpa kau lagi eh tu pun ku tak tahu...... AAARRGH ....... "LONELY I'M SO LONELY...." (by this tym confirm 100% guarantee plus chop my ppl will be saying, "sudah aini cukup.... hujan turun nanti...")

as u ppl can see.... i got lotsa things for me to blabber about.... WOITZ KAKI2 DUNEARN KU.... MANA KORANG?? zahirah diana nana fiqah.... where have u been???? eh aku giler lah dah lama aku tak story2 dgn korang.... aku pun miss cara aku bebual laju mcm choo-choo train pat korang........

AARRGGHH!!!! k lah ku dh nak outzz.... AARRGGHH!!! goodnites.... AARRGGHH!!! n last but not least.... AARRGGGH!!!

hahahahahahahahahaha........ =)

Nothing last Foreva....

2006-04-30T16:41:00.000+08:00

i had once promise and made dreams with fiqah and mardiana dat wat ever happens we'll b close foreva..... we are still frenz but no longer close as before...

problematikz... we did enjoy our bond together....we luv dancing together.... but we are now separated...

me and fariz... we were once very close... Very close... promised to stay close foreva no matter wat happens.... but no longer.....

u see... d problem lies with me... i was angry at fiqah last tym and made myself scarce from her... bcoz i followed my emotions.... problematiks, was my fault too... i left them hanging... if i nvr abandoned them we will all have stayed together not foreva but at least longer...fariz and me?? i juz gave up... i was too weak to hold on... sorry..... sorry people...

dat is why i'm easily paranoid these days... but someway some how, i managed not to drown myself in the paranoia... i still try to smile and laugh day by day eventhough i'm so damn freaking lonely..... it's been 1 month or more since i last met my bro ayun.... bro i really miss u.... wen will we meet eh?? ash...i'm gonna miss u bro if u go for ur trip... jgn lupa souvenier ku tau.... oklah... ku dah boring giler nie... looking forward nak lepakingz dgn fiza pat airport...hehehe...

2006-04-25T10:20:00.000+08:00

alright, i got alot of things to say on this entry and i really hope dat all my frenz (i mean ALL) will be reading this entry.... wateva it is, if any of this content untintentionally hurt any of your feelings, i deeply apologise......

for those of u who's wondering how didmy birthday went, all i can say to you is that, i did not have a happy birthday this year coz i spent 3/4 of d day alone..... cried at sky garden and marina promenade.... but thanx to nurul, i managed to smile n complete my incomplete birthday when she presented me with a small chocolate cake... she even gave me a pair of earringz .... this year i received 2 presents only... a long wallet from my parentz n earringz from nurul.... THANX TO ALL THOSE WHO WISHES ME ON MY BIRTHDAY....

21 april marks d end of my nursing student years in ITE.... i thought i will feel really happy coz i've been looking forward to d end of my ite years and so called move on.... but now i realise dat i missed all of my frenz..... during campus.... i missed d tym i spent wif hajar zee2 zuin filda dayu mai nurul hussein n fariz.... our laughters our joys..... and yeah d dance too.... i even miss d laughters of hana shikin dana aisah quranni hasinah nafisah nisha ..... let's just say i miss my classmates..... their constant teasing of me sleeping in class.... hehehehe... miss u guys many2....

TO ZUIN FILDA AND HAJAR... thanx for the tym we've spent since year 1...nice sharing stories with u n laugh along with u guys....keep in touch k??kalau ada salah silap aini pohon ampun k....

TO DANA N GENG.... thanx for ur laughters,support n encouragement.... i really treasure ur effort for giving ur support in dancework....dana shikin hana n aisah trima kasihlah bnyk2 bab dtg rumah aini evry year raya w/o fail.....keep on coming evry year.... hehehe...

to my clinical buddies..... SIDAH MAI ZIZAH HANA MAK WAN FARHAN.... 6 months may be short but clincal2 really make me feel bonded with all of you.... thanx for making my clinical 2 happening and thanx for making me laugh when i cant laugh......

TO NURUL.... kaulah kawan setia aku.... thanx for being there for me...thanx many2 for evrything selama dua tahun kiter berkenalan....

to ASHAHARI.... yo brother.... hehehehe....thanx for everything.... and i mean EVERYTHING..... dari blanja aku mkn ke dgr aku nye constant complaining n whining.... thanx for all ur advices.... thanx for all ur smiles n laughter and ur effort to make me laugh... thanx to u, i manage to put myself together....

i'm beginning to miss all of them already...... miss my daily routine of asking my colleagues, "mana ash?" and their constant of memperbodohkan aku....hehehe.....miss u guys lah......

it's been 3 weeks since i last meet my brother ayun.....and it's been 3 weeks since his break up....i miss him sey.... honestly saying i'm getting paranoid....i'm scared of losing more frens.... i dun wanna lose any more frenz...... but i got a feeling that there's a distant betwwen me with those dat r currently very close with me..... mungkin kah sejarah berulang lagi???? well mungkin.... mari kita saksikan yar...

gilerz outz...

2006-04-24T17:08:00.000+08:00

how's my bdae..... it went superb i had the tym of my life..... YEAH RITE..... this year i turned twenty, n i it happened to be one of the loneliest birthday i ever had...... NONE of my frens were free on my bdae......except for nurul who eventually complete 1/4 of my incomplete birthday......

my family went out for celebration on the eve on my bday.... not really enjoying.... dun wanna elaborate...... i was close to tears on dat nite but thanx to bro ayun, he called me at 2345 and dis is wat he said...." Wa'alaikumsalam!! SIS HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U in a few minutes tym......." i laughed and smile.... after him,after twelve midnight, fiza called wishing me happy b'dae.... sempat panggil orang sanggul.....den kadik..... den received msgs from, fais, fariz,fiza again, nurl n brother bear and diana..... den d nxt day steph filda dyla n eventually zahirah....... but disappointingly people whom i really hold on close to my heart lyk jerome,fiqah and mardiana din even call or wish me....they failed to do it diz yr....:'(

i cried yesterday at sky garden n marina promenade while waiting for nurul.... nvr b4 i celebrated my bdae alone n w/o receiving any birthday cake... to me, a bday is incomplete w/o a bday cake...... i cried 3 whole hours..... den met nurul.... talk chit chat with her and den bro called to check up on me... k thanx d two of u make me smile again..... den i was really touched wen nurul presented me with chocolate cake... mcm tahu gitu aku tk dpt cake.... thank u nurul lurve u very strong...... n pearl earrings from malacca....

den at home, i smiled and laugh again thnx to ash.... ash tak usah lah ko feel bad bab tak teman kan ku on my bdae... it's ok ku understand..... but u owe me a present.... hehehe tak tahu malu... eh aku ada tahu malu tau... ku pun ada kemaluan tau..... hehehe... ok aini dah tak betul... bro ayun u too k.... i know u not enough money to travel... meet some other tym....

yes lah if u all wondering..... YES ISTILL THINKS DAT MY BDAE SUX!!!!!! I DIN ENJOY IT OKAY???!!! if u're wondering where is all my frenz on my bdae..... well, they're bz wif their life n i cant be selfish to ask them to accompany me on my bdae...... but nvm it's ok.....i still haf frenz who care lyk nurul, ash n ayun.... thnx many2.....

i'm missing my nursing fwen many2 already.... especially ash.... kalau tak dah bebual dgn dia skrg.... haiz.... k lah gilerz outz....

2006-04-22T21:04:00.000+08:00

tomorrow's my bdae.... wad a drag.... i dunnoe why... but i'm having heart pain n head pain..... update nxt tym... gotta go.......

2006-04-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

guess what???Raffles Medical Group called... i'm given a position as Assisstant Nurse at Raffles Medical Group specialist clinic at OUB centre... Starting work 22 May.....Sign contract 28 April.... Thnx very muchy2 to all my nursing frens who helped me b4 the interview......

Syukur alhamdullillah i got the job..... happy news no. 1..... happy news no. 2 ash mum have been discharged..... good to hear that..... happy news no. 3 ham msg me again..... sorry cant chat wif u tmr.... maybe on thurs k?? me morning shift tmr..... u muz tell me wadz eating u up coz i told u wats eating me up.... u know u can always share wif me.... eh ku nie bebual mcm lah si hamidi baca blog aku....hehehe.....

parents ku agreee ku gi pulau tioman trip.... things seems to turn around better again for me.... but me not keeping my hopes high...trying to keep it gradually consistent...no news frm fariz.... juz wondering whether he's thinking of me or not..... i felt delighted now.... still missing ayun... me n ash ok lah....... still d same....

dah nak kerja... confirm evrything will change again....muz re-adapt again....6 more days to my bdae.... still dunnoe wat to do......boat quay merlion marina promenade esplanade sky garden cck tower sentosa twin towers here i come......... dunnoe nak gi mana to chill....

2006-04-17T10:24:00.000+08:00

YIPPEE!!!! i got in touch back with ham!!!!out of my stupidity and frustration, i deleted many of my contacts in my hp.... including hamidi's and qing xian's..... and i'm lyk suffering coz to me by msging ppl lyk ham n my other dss members, bring back my smile in any situation.... my ZUraini's smile.....

6 more days to my bdae.... my mum began to talk to me.... due to my sister's bdae y'day.....i have yet to decide wat i'm gonna do on my day.... n whom i'm gonng spend it with.... if possible, i wanna chill wif my dunearn crazy gals, hamidi, qing xian, jerome and guys,nurul n bro bear,my high class mami jarumz,ashahari n of course my beloved brother ayun......but dun tink it's possible... well, i'll be contented enough to spend it with anyone who can bring a smile to my face n just for dat day divert me away from my troubles....

how's my life?? ok but not fine....yes i still miss chilling wif fariz... tapi kalau org dah tak sehaluan apa nak cakap kan???kadik, hmmm i have nothing to say.... i ignored her msg due to budget and plainly i have nothing to talk about with her.... ash, i meet him almost everyday..... and to me we're closer as time goes by....ayun, i miss meeting u up.....hope we meet up soon.... nurul n bro bear....nanti kiter chill together gether lagi kat sentosa eh??? tapi dgn saper huh?

k gtg now... need to go werk.....

2006-04-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

haiz.... starting of the week at NUH..... a few more days to go and i'll graduate..... went for an inteview.... it went well.... but i'm not sure whether i get it or not.....thanx mdm shyamala, thnx my nursing mates.... thnx for helping... luv u guys many2....

bro ayun, miss meeting u up sey.... fiza, dun do stupid things lah.... u know u can talk to me anytym kan?? ayun u too... jgn nak memandai keep it to yourself.... both of u had helped me a lot dis is my turn now....... same goes to ASHAHARI........

i'm bored with life... no money. no life, no dance, no colours....... so boring...... but,no matter how hard life is, one has to carry on....

2006-04-09T13:28:00.000+08:00

went kayaking yesterday with my nursing mates.... or should i said as ayun phrase it.... went to kayak with dayak2 nursing kat lautan mcritchie....... hehehe... thanx ash for paying for me..... honestly i dun feel lyk going..... thought i wun be having much fun if i go.... but i had an enjoybale one.... thanx a bunch..... i'll update my photos soon lah once i got it from hana n mai....

to ayun.... bro, i'm sorry to hear bout u n fiza....seriously am.... cheer up ok.... dun tink negatively.... i believe there's a good reason why diz happen..... it hurts me to see or know dat u're hurt....u're my pillar of strength.... i'm honoured that u informed me about it firsthand.... dun do anything stupid k??? wateva happens i'm still here for u.......

okay, i can humbly said dat i'm feeling a lil bit better..... but not fully...can safely said 10% only..... but cant be too confidence because who knows wat in store for me in the future right??? all i need to help me buck up is people like ayun, ash, nurul, hana, wan, n those who had been giving me encouragement and advice to cheer up.... i deeply appreciate it lots.....i dun really need ppl dat are not really there for me....

yes my mum is still not talking to me..... haiz two more weeks for me to turn 20..... will i have a happy day on dat auspicious day???? wat will i do??? whom will be there with me??? wateva it is.... i've planned a couple of back-up for dat day....

2006-04-06T18:31:00.000+08:00

honestly saying, i'm very confused and disappointed in myself..... FOR U PPL OUT THERE!! stop lying to me..... stop giving me bits n pieces... straight to the point......thnx for d confusion n disappointment i went thru for my frens, i BROKE MY MUM'S HEART!!! she ask me to juz pretend that she's dead..... now my friends are leaving me.... even my mum's not talking to me... happy now????

n guess wat my very closest and most treasured friend is keeping a distant from me.... y??? bcoz he said ever since i got a miscommunication wif u-know-who i changed a WHOLE lot..... he said it's hard for him to communicate with me coz i always seem to be in a world of my own...... and it's hard for him to joke around wif me coz i will take evrything too seriously......tell me wat am i suppose to do?? i want to talk to u but i dunnoe wat to say.... u urself have ur own problem.... i dun wanna be SELFISH as to add more burden onto ur shoulders..... but it's hurting me wen u r keeping a distant from me.....

to ayun.... yes, dat nite was a mistake...i should have juz go home...... i'm sorry.... but thanx for being there for me..... i really need a hug dat night......thanx for going home with me.... if u were'nt there, i dun think i'll be going back home...... luv u lots bro.......hope u enjoy ur new job at the singapore cruise centre....... i miss hanging out wif u.......

to all of my frens, i'm trying to get back the old aini and especially ZURAINI back..... but seriously..... i need ALL of ur help..... i can nvr go thru all this hurdles alone...... especially after wat my mum had said....... i apologise to her.... but her heart is still wounded..... so she have yet to forgive me..... plz help me find myself back...... plz........

2006-03-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

to a treasured friend....
i do not know wat happened...
i also didn't know wat u are going thru rite now...
i cant accept d fact dat we might be drifting apart...
but i do not have the energy to pull u back towards me....

if i'm d cause of ur sudden change,
i'm willing to bring my pride down and beg for ur forgiveness...
no matter wat ppl might say.....
u r still my friend n my brother...

my silence doesn't mean i'm giving up on you...
my silence is just a moment ti allow u space n time for urself...
dis tym i'm granting u ur wish...

NDP training beginning this sunday.....
hope dat i'll begin another whole new chapter dis tym...
brighter and less complicating chapter....

2006-03-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

i hate dis awkwardness.... wad have i done??? tell me wad did i do.... but plz dun treat me diz way.... almost a week now.... do u really want me to leave??? i wanna know wad happened..... i wan sum xplanations.... dis is serious ly bothering me....

went out wif bro last saturday.... but my mind was still bothered bcoz of diz situation.... wanna called u n meet u up.... even cried wen i was thinking of u..... wad have i done???? y r u treating me diz way????

dat does it.... not gonna believe anyone anymore....i have enough frens.... dun wanna get myself attached to anyone anymore......those who r trying hard to b close to me, forget it... my doors r shut.... i hate u ppl... i hate myself... wanna run away.... wanna disappear.... i hate u ppl for taking advantage of me.... i hate u ppl for breaking my heart dats already broken..... now, i dun even think i can even trust ash ayun or fiza...... i'm surrounded by hypocrites..... how can i trust anyone????? someody please shoot me or throw me offf the building.... i hate myself for hating u people.... i'm hurt so bad...... ='( Bro Ayun Sis Fiza.... please forgive me.... thnx for d trip to mahligai manis..... i do love u guys n miz ya..... but i'm scared..... i'm scared to give my sisterly love to anyone......ash, thnx for evrything.... fariz, u too... i really treasure u d most.... ash ayed ayun aini tetap kwn mu sahabat mu dan sister mu hingga ke akhir hayat ku...

2006-03-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

i'm confused..... i dunnoe wat happened... one moment evrything was fine den KABABOOM....... evrything go haywire again..... wat did i do wrong until i have to face all this treatment over and over again..... said one thing did another..... yes ash u're rite i have my doubts......i cant make a decision..... i'm scared dat i will regret with wateva i decide... ash, i din mean to make u work up or angry..... ur advice it did get into my head.... all the more that's wat i'm concern about.... i can't decide..... i dun wanna let go neither do i want to go through d same thing over n over again.... yes i'm hurt.... so wat if i injure myself by punching d poles or hurt myself by anyway..... dun wori bout me.... singing n dancing no longer help.... if i sing ppl around me criticise me.....ash, ayun, ira n fiqah...... sori to bother u guys tym n again.... sori for not being there most of the tym for u.....i juz dunnoe wat to do.... i juz dunnoe wat to believe.... i juz cant decide....

to my frenz,please forgive me if i ever done all of u wrong.... halalkan makan minum aini k.... i know i cant afford to repay all of ur kindness...nice knowing u ppl.... thnx for making my past,thnx for being there for me presently n thnx for preparing me for d future.... owe u guys many2.... please dun regret of knowing me as ur fren.... was never my intention to hurt u ppl in anyways.... forgive me.... please forgive me.....

wat i wanna do?i wanna b strong again.... i wanna be cheerful and smiley again.... i wanna end my life short..... real short.... IF POSSIBLE... GOD FORBID....

my depression mode is starting

2006-03-02T20:33:00.000+08:00

have u xperience having a friend who have a terminal condition?? do u have a dying friend?? do u have a friend who is hiding his condition?? do u have a fren who repetitively ask u about things dat will happen if u find out he's gone?? well, i do..... other than my two brothers. he's the next best guy friend i ever had...... the one i'll turn to most of the tyms.....

i always enjoyed our outings together.... but, nowadays our outings will depress me in the end.... no matter how much i enjoyed it..... it will always double my worries for him without fail...... juz d thought of losing him is driving me crazy..... i dun wanna lose a caring fun-loving friend.... but if it happens, only God knows wat i will b through.... mdm julie said i will collapse..... my frens said i'll cry.... for me, i think i'll turn crazy.....

i think i'm going to depression..... din meet bro ayun miss him to the max..... havent met fiqah n nana for months..... hope to meet fariz tomorrow..... i need a hug from anyone.... i need sum1 to tell me evrything's fine...... i need sum1 to tell me dat diz is a bad dream..... i juz need someone to b there if anything goes wrong..... unfortunately i dun have any spare tyre to give me tlc other than my family.... but my family does not know about this and wat i'm going through.... wat m i gonna do??? i wanna cry..... i'm so scared....

fariz i need to c u... i need to go to marina promenade.... need to go there... wanna go there....

2006-02-28T19:31:00.000+08:00

went to delivery suite today..... saw 2 1/2 deliveries..... y 2 1/2.... d first one was delivered a few minutes b4 we arrived.... just saw d placenta being removed... oklah so far d xperience was fabulous.... i'm considering of working in there after i graduate.....

supposed to meet fariz today n yesterday.... he was sick yesterday n cancelled it.... it was fine.... he needs rest....... anyway went out with ash n go swensen's wif him... today fariz cancelled it again bcoz he needs to help kak ana..... nvm, it's okay...maybe nxt tym..... bored very bored..... must get used to this..... someway or another... dance over.... no more staying out late at night.....d feeling is so different.... very different...missing all of my frens.... kadik, nurul,milia,bukh ana bett...... especially fariz no doubt..... haiz.... dunnoe lah.... gtg.... i'm getting down.....

2006-02-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

wanna know wat happened until i specifically dedicate my previous entry to fariz??? well, we got into a huge fight at city hall.... but we made up on the same day... i was surprised he meant that he need to see me and i was touched when he came and met me at mdm julie's house.... he read the blog there and he typed me a reply msg at friendster..... n now we're back together again as bro and sis.... lyk twins.... hehehe.... can see dat he did changed a bit aft the incident..... ayed, dun ever do dat to me again k.... it hurts me as much as it hurts u....

today was our dancework competiton... we lost.... din made it to finals...... but wad the heck... we had fun..... gonna miz my adik2..... gonna miz all the tym we spent wif each other.... i used to complain of having lil tym... now the comp is finish, i have lotsa free tym.... come to think of it, i honestly dunnoe wat to do wif it.... gotta start making a new schedule.... quick!!! people book a date wif me now i'm free!!! while stocks last....

2006-02-23T19:45:00.000+08:00

To fariz...... i'm sorry i cant make it to city hall juz nw coz wen u msg me i was already far away from the station..... i wanna apologise to you for making u feel embarassed in front of public... i didnt mean it honestly..... i'm sorry about the radio.... i'll try and pay u back somehow or another.... i didnt mean to do all those things juz now.... i didnt mean to explode.... but ur letter, ur expression the way u behave n ur confession juz made me go berserk.... i'm sorry for my negligence... i'm sorry for hurting ur feelings.... i'm sorry for embarassing u.... i'm sorry for everything.... i'm really sorry..... i was so confused just now and so hurt..... i'm really sorry for not replying you... my card is so damn low... n the place where i m now have no phone and i'm locked inside to even go back..... please come back down to practice tomorrow... aini.....

nurzur'aini

2006-02-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

nurzur'aini
Originally uploaded by GiLeRzZz.

kadik nurul n me

2006-02-08T16:16:00.000+08:00

kadik nurul n me
Originally uploaded by GiLeRzZz.

ayed n me

2006-02-08T16:15:00.000+08:00

ayed n me
Originally uploaded by GiLeRzZz.

fariz farid and me

2006-02-08T16:14:00.000+08:00

fariz farid and me
Originally uploaded by GiLeRzZz.

update on mylife....

2006-02-08T16:01:00.000+08:00

visit my grandma..... talked to her and my cousins.... felt good..... felt the love....

tak jadi gi clubbing... dun wanna talk about it.... dun really enjoy my vacation.... tak habis2 pegi dance prac.... memeningkan kepala... but thanx to sum occassion, lyk going out wif my probz godsibz, i felt good......okay me n fariz is getting better..... after we talk at marina promenade together....

went to sentosa last sunday 5feb wif nurul abg bear fariz farid n kadik.... eventhough there's only six of us, we still had fun.... lurve taking pics wif em.... farid suggested to go out together again...... we'll see about that......

well gotta go now going to city hall for my dance prac.... hope u people enjoy the pics.....

2006-01-29T18:58:00.000+08:00

AAARRGHH!!!! I MISSED THE BSB CONCERT!!!! I DIDN'T GO!!!!! NO MONEY!!!!!! watevalah..... hmm...... they'll be back.... in 10 years tym......wat to update??? i dunnoe...... dancework???? dun wanna talk about it..... problematikz???? hmmm.... nope.... nowadays lepak dgn bro ayun most of the tym...... sampai kena panggil minah tower..... sedih sey..... tak baik.... e-e-e-siao... hehehe.....

my week nxt week pack giler.... clubbing marathon den go sentosa dgn nurses..... talking about nurses went mkn wif ash,hana,farhan,wan,mai,mak,azizah,her mother, SN Syaiful n SN Stephanie...... fun, kecohrable......as usual.... i'm the one who they always tease and disturb.... but altogether fun... gonna miz stephanie n syaiful alot....hope to c u guys in 3 apr....thnx 4 evrything......

Updates updates....

2006-01-25T10:00:00.000+08:00

received my pay last thursday....... $250..... immediately i activate my bro ayun to help me look for specs.... bought specs... damn nice.... lurve it cost me $88.... 3/4 of my frenz prefer me wif specs....:P.... met fizah ben n ryn at sembwg aft ordering specs hehehe..... they missed me sey... kecohrable... i missed them too... sut penat2 lepas ncc sanggup turun gi sun plaza jumpa me... alah touching nyer.... she hugged me veli the tight....i missed u too boy t.....

den on friday met ayun ben n fizah again.... went bugis.....shopping.... bought 4 watches, brown belt two pair of slippers n bought my contact lens to replace my over expired lenses of 3 month.... den we cancelled our plan of watching sunset at marina promenade bcoz,we all hungry.... eat at ljs....ben made me realised wen he said... slalu eh kiter duduk pat sini biler mkn kat ljs nie.... yeah it's true.... mcm tradition problematiks gitu..... pegi bugis mkn kat ljs tempat duduk mesti pat luar....so altogether i spent 200 bucks in 2 days.......

watched wayang "Le Grand Voyage" wif giler no. 1 a.k.a g1..... aku giler no.2 a.k.a g2...... nice movie... ok 60% of outing wif g1 bez kaklar habis... but wen we on the way home, he msged me something n said something to me dat really scare me and caused me great heartache.......g2 tahu g1 ada rahsia kan barang dari g2....i knw it's sumting about ur condition....munkin g1 tak nak blg sebab g1 tak nak sedih2 atau g1 tak nak g2 risau,..... kalau g1 ingat tym swensen, g2 ada kata i dun lyk surprises wen it really scares me n i dun lyk guessing games.... n d msg n ur question btul2 merisaukan g2......n wat is diz nonsense abt it might b d last tym we go out together.... jgn takot kan g2 arh.... tell me wats wrong.... g2 sentiasa mendoakan yg terbaik utk g1.... g2 tak nak kehilangan g1....i knw lyfe is unpredictable n sumtymz things happen n we haf to accept it no matter how hard it is.... g2 baru aje recover frm a lost.... g2 tak nak melalui keadaan yg sama lagi.... please.... tell me wats wrong.... jgn takot kan g2 mcm nie....

had d tym of my life....

2006-01-15T13:36:00.000+08:00

13 jan went out wif ma bro, god ma, god sis and other frenz of my god sis.... where we go??? momo...... my 1st tym ever.....

begining wasnt a good start... bro din haf d mood thanx to a few bugger.... so we n another slut stood one corner and dance a lil.... d others tried to convince me to dance wif em but i was still shy at d point of tym.... but at 4+, me and bro really dance lyk nobody's business y?? it's reggae songs... even ma god ma n others were looking at me.... i totally ignored ma godsis wen she wants to go home... i told her i'll wait for the 1st train..... she wants to go home during so confused.... it's me and ayun nyer fave song sey... wow i really lurve the reggae songs d dj turn on.... gerek to the mak..... me n bro dance non-stop.... b4 d reggae, we dance a bit sway a bit n den we lean against d wall n started feeling tired and disappointed wen we thought we missed the reggae songs.... but wen it's reggae, tanduk pun kluar.... one of the gerls tried to join us but she cant keep up wif our pace lah.... eh kalau reggae kiter hantu... mcm2 step kiter boleh buka... kalau lagu lain others boleh arh kalahkan kiter coz kiter slack.... i've been wif bro for quite a long tym so we know wat each other will dance n we'll dance 2gether....

msg to bro, guarantee 100% plus chop ayun skrg ain nyer dance mate kalau kat clubbing.... if i ever go again... thnx bro for cuming down... thnx for keeping ur words d other day... "i wont miss d day my sis jatuh reputation".... thnx for lying... i was really disappointed wen u said u not going.... hehehe.... thnx for being there..... thnx for sacrificng ur sleepg hours.....

aft reggae songs, me and bro left the area after saying goodbyes to our fren...we lepakingz at clarke quay nyer area... talk.... chit chat.... den we head hm at 0630.... bez arh brudder... u look superb dat nite... nanti ain burn kan lagu reggae lain eh??? diz is the best memories ever...

updates...

2006-01-12T09:55:00.000+08:00

ok last saturday after writing my entry, did my chores and left house around 4 or something.... had a shock of my life when out of the blue joey msg to call him.... tak pernah2 babe joey suruh me call... ME!!!! hehehe... it was a coincidence dat he and his sis was at city hall wen iwas on my way to meet fariz nurul and brother bear there........ok lah fun.... he helped us a bit for our dance.... fun.... after 3 weeks of not meeting him and fifi, really miss them.....

on monday full dress rehearsal.... sux... we din do so well..... den dunnoe y lah kena pay back on saturday...... den yesterday 11/1 2006,perform at sch.... reach hm at 3pm ...... sleep for 3 hrs den prepare fo night duty.... night duty gerek.......

to kadik who's hospitalised.... sorry aini tak dpt jenguk kadik..... My schedule very the pack hope u understand..... semoga kadik sihat dgn cepat.... haf a speedy recovery.....

WeKeKe....

2006-01-07T10:51:00.000+08:00

babelo btul.... i've fallen sick today..... n there's gonna be a dance practice late aftn...... idiot lah......

yesterday aftn shift with ash sidah azizah n kai ling...... oklah fun..... ash tak abis2 nyakat aku..... sidah dgn kai ling kalau takde kerja counting down tym to break or going home.... kai ling c/o hungry most of her tym...... azizah.... always bz......

ayun came over around my break to pass me back my cd.... he's so slenger..... he's contacts are expired and he refused to wear his specs and left it at hm.... den we went to the lobby and go buy his contact lens..... dia beli grey colour.... den kiter survey cermin mata..... i'm gonna be a specsy people..... hehehe jadi cikgu bedah katakan..... d store assisstant laughed at me n ayun wen we survey the specs..... den we rushed back to the ward coz i only left wif 5mins b4 my break ends..... so sweet... he really send me back in front of the ward....

at, 845pm, we were told to feed pt on ng feeding for 9pm feeds.... ok me n kai ling bargain which pt we wanna feed...... after feeding, i want to go n wash the syringe and cup.... i almost faint when i unscreen the curtains sn syaiful was there in the dark.... i screamed " oh mak kau "....... so loudly.... he dared to laugh at me???? babelo arh.... den e got the cheek to say dat his mom's at home..... cekik darah betul!!!! so freaking embarrassed.......

k lah gtg..... nak buat household chores and nak masak utk adik..... and for my tummy lapar lah babe.......

5 January 2006

2006-01-05T17:46:00.000+08:00

Dancing should be fun not stressful.... but all i have lately is stressful not fun.... watevalah.... i'm holding on for people who is currently menaruh harapan.... dun wanna disappoint em..... but i can't do it alone..... hope u will hold on with me too...

ok weq is as usual fun and tiring..... i'm practically sleeping in front of the computer.....hehehe....

i wanna meet bro again.... i missed bro so much.... not 1 but a lot of people had told me dat diz god bro thingy or sworn bro thingy is nonsense.... well, so???? me and my blood sibz are okay..... so wat if we haf our own other sworn sibz......i made quite a few of bros lately... but to me only a pinch had proven their honesty of treating me as a sis..... missed bro ayun.... cant wait for the 13 jan plan..... ccb kak ana saboh aku..... 13 jan will b the day my bro will see me "spoil reputation".... hehehehe....

3 January 2005

2006-01-03T18:32:00.000+08:00

To my more than 10-years friend, Qing Xian, a very happy birthday to u...... U told me dat u're taking ur common test today,best of luck.... enjoy ur 20th b'dae.... hope to meet u again soon..... maybe at hamidi's annual guitar concert at sp...... dats somewhere around late feb or early march???? hehehehe....... happy birthday......

to my ite frenz....... nurul and me are planning to have an outing together at sentosa on the 28 of jan.... but still planning..... anyone from any class are welcome... an anyone who know us or fun and kaklar nye org are welcum........ any 411 will be posted here..... Insya-Allah.....

today went for my A&E posting.... okay lah very the fast..... lotsa things to do, but i was too nervous.......and blur..... hehehe..... i'm still worried about dancework..... sometimes, i think it's just a waste of time trying to work things out with bunch of people who's not really committed.... and thanx to diz nonsense i fought wif my mother and my close friend.... no use at all.... well let's just see how it works....

looking out of the window of my brother's room..... saw lovely puffy clouds..... the sun is setting.... can't really see the sun coz blocked by the block of flats...... when was the last tym i really saw the sunset???? can't remember... when was the last tym i saw the sunrise??? hmmm.... good question....wanna go n watch the sunset at marina promenade..... but when??? with who??? hmmm.... calon-calonnya adalah...... jengjengjeng..... adakah fariz??? ayun??? ash???hmm..... worst cum to worst aini pergi dgn zuraini...... huahuahua.... klah.... gigi sakit balik lah babe.... bubbyez.....

New Year, New Chapter.....

2006-01-02T21:41:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRENZ!!!! it's 2006 diz year.... hope dat it will be a better and brighter future for us....

wat happened to me lately?? nothing much.... as usual loads of probz.... but i'm not complaining much..... as ash said u can choose to be sad and still have the problem or happy but still have the problem..... i choose happy..... so wateva it is i'll stay happy...... c'mon it's new year.... i wanna b like ash.... juz b happy.... :)

can't wait for our nyte duty.... mampos two of the most craziest student nurse in mrs syam group is doing the same nyte duty together in the same ward.... kecohrable babe.... gotta go nak terberak..... hehehehehe...... filda i miss u too.... apa2 msg me k??? happy new year......

wat's wrong wif me?

2005-12-26T19:57:00.000+08:00

honestly, i'm totally lost.... went out wif my family and relatives to te beach... almost happy when i thought evrything was fine wif me and my mum.... but it wasn't....... i dun tink it will ever b....

yippee mission accomplished... for the 1st tym nvr lepakingz wif joey and ayed diz weekend.... i survived.... yeah rite...... didn't go out today...... might not meeting ayun tomorrow.... dunnoe where to go.....

thanx kadik for giving me ur support.... but dats my worries lah.... i seriously missed my frens..... seriously..... i missed nurul n brother bear.... i missed dayu, zee2, fil,zuin,mardiana, zahirah, andy, jerome,hamidi,qing xian etc...... just wished evrything was lyk b4.... hahaha.... fat chance.... y can't i grow up.... i've always wished for diz n dat but dun i realise dat wishes DON'T come true.... geez...... damn life sux.... and y is it dat i always felt the ache in my heart.... 60% of my tym diz year, i hardly could breathe...... i hardly can.....i need a time out... i need to do sum soul-searching.... i juz have to......

can't wait to graduate, can't wait to end evrything....just can't wait to forget evrything....

boring!!!

2005-12-24T18:11:00.000+08:00

tak jadi kluar dgn ash... bapak dia rebah lagi... kesian sey.... hope evrything went well for him and his family....

ok since i can't go out, i update something dat i left out.... on 18 nov, my best friend got married... mardiana... she's so lovely.... her decorations were superb.... aft having some bite at her wedding, the x dunearnites decide to have a mini reunion..... dun really enjoy it.... juz dunnoe wat to say to them.... n i juz felt left out... surprised dat 80% of them are taken..... felt so left out.... most of them says i changed... hmm, if dats an insult, i'll take it as a compliment instead....

gtg.... nak tgk rugrats movie...

gilerz seybibelle slengz outz.....

happy...

2005-12-24T10:33:00.000+08:00

met ayun, fizah, ben azman n erwyn..... fun... eventhough azman sux wen he pinch me, overall it was fun.... thnx to ayun n erwyn.... spending tym wif em eventhough jap je, is enuf to prove dat they really miss me.... especially ayun...... going out wif him again diz tuesday, Insya-Allah kalau takde apa2 halangan...... erwyn shared sum new songs wif me.... reggae songs..... gerek.... nanti nak suruh kadik burn kan....

went out to pizza hut wif hana ash syafiq dayat ndp shafurah ndp..... gerek...... klakar...... gonna miz dem.... thanx dayat n shaf sebab treat me.... den kluar jln2 kat city hall dgn suntec wif ash and syafiq..... kecohrable.... perut aku sakit sey...... thanx u guys rally make my day.....

my lecturer said sum things to me..... i nvr felt so depressed about my condition.... now i'm having doubt about continuing my course..... if they dun wanna sponsor me, wat makes me think they want to employ me rite??? u're rite mrs syam.... is it worth it for me to continue if in the end wat she said is true????

watevalah.... couldn't be bothered no more..... gonna meet ash again today..... den tmr no plans maybe.... kemungkinan kechik jumpa ayed n joey..... kemungkinan besar lepak kat rumah jer..... den monday, mungkin dance..... huehuehue..... gtg lah nak masak nak jemur baju..... ardios armigos....

let's tok happy...

2005-12-17T09:45:00.000+08:00

two days ago waited for fariz sizid and joey at nuh aft weq.... visit joey's grandma..... den went out to bugis wif em.... sizid left early... went around bugis to look for a blazer for joey.... funny..... dia buat muka sedih biler almost all the stores dun haf his size.... den wen he finally found one he tried it on.... man he's drop dead cool..... sorry paparazzi i cant say u're drop dead gorgeous coz u're not up to dat standard yet for me to declare dat to u.... huahuahua... juz kiddin..... den they look for bling2.... went hm they sent me hm first.... the journey was funny too.... oh yeah can't help it my name dah permanent annie thnx to the high class "pest"...... hehehehe......

yesterday ash ask me out to meet hilda and mio n lepakingz.... sorry tak ikut sebab last minute ada plan dgn fiqah.... went out with fiqah at bukit panjang plaza..... shared kfc with her.... do sum catching up... borrowed 2 spanish language book for self study.... den went window shopping with her.... fun... how i lyk it.... going out wif her again nxt monday aft weq.... den aft meeting her yesterday, went to lot 1 to meet joey fifi and fariz again.... fun jugak lah kiter rounding2 sambil "charas"ing each other.... actually they charas each other, not me.... i was too exhausted to b sarcastic...... k lah gtg.... wanna go out..... cant stay at home any longer......c ya....

p/s i'm very happy dat my nxt posting combine dgn group ash..... my night duty is d same wif ash...... HAPPY!!!!!!!! giler dgn giler..... huahuahua.....

whitney houston

2005-12-12T19:33:00.000+08:00

THIS LYRIC IS DEDICATED TO ALL OF MY CIRCLE OF FRIENDS INCLUDING PROBLEMATIKZ....

If i should stay
I would only be in your way
So i'll go, but i know
I'll think of you every step of the way

Chorus:
And i will always love you
I,will always love you
You, my darling you, you

Bitter sweet memories
That is all i'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know i'm not what you need

Chorus

I hope life treats you kind
And i hope you have all you dreamed off
And i wish to you joy and happiness
But above all this i wish to you LOVE

Chorus

Lyfe sux to the max.....

2005-12-12T19:09:00.000+08:00

i'm bottling up all my anger.... My frustrations.... Can't call Fiqah... She's weqing... Kesian arh dia kasi jadi sasaran.... zahirah??? pun kerja.... huda dah tk rapat segan lah pulak.... nana mesti tgh sibuk nak siap2 hari istimewa dia.... dayah n diana??? confirm bz..... nurul?? aku takot dia bz dgn abg bear atau attachment.... kekwn yishun??? ntah ingat aku lagi ke tak atau ntah meka masih ada kwn bernama aini ke tak..... ayed??? ntah lah... tried calling him but no answer..... nari STO dia msg dia pun tk reply.... ntah dia ok ke tak.... he seems angry at me... the way he speaks the tone he talks.... maybe i did something wrong n i din realise... sorry...

suddenly i haf no one to talk too.... maybe i had bore evryone with my problems.... my never ending problems... maybe i bore ppl wif my unhappiness lyfe..... sorie.... sorry to all my frenz whom i bore or hurt.... sorry.... haizz....

talking to my family??? fat chance..... i want to run away.... can't stand wif d nonsensical attitude thrown to me.... can't stand of being overprotected....... i wanna be lyk i used too... out wif family evry sunday.... window shopping wif my frenz..... watch movie my frenz..... dance wif problematikz..... juz wanna be happy again..... impossible.... fat hope.... i'm lyk a living zombie... a living puppet...... hate myself hate myself.... so alone.....

I'm Better off with ZURAINI den Aini

2005-12-11T10:35:00.000+08:00

Talked to Fiqah and Zahirah last nite.....They made me realised dat i'm a stronger person as zuraini den aini.....i juz dunnoe y.... i was pissed of something yesterday.... tried called evryone but most of them bz.... as usual fiqah became the victim.... i vent out my frustrations to her..... for the 1st tym diz yr without crying.... she said,"this is the zuraini i know....." i was caught by surprise.... then i recap again wat i told her.... ok i got her point....talked to zahirah too.... she said d same thing..... i told her dat i seriously wanna gif up..... she told me gerl dun be ridiculous... u just got a few months left..... den i told her..... zaza maybe u're rite.... i'm no quitter.... y muz i quit now rite???? she replied d same way wat fiqah said..... cum to think of it, it's true wen they said high school frenz are better and they are foreva..... y?? well wen u're in sec1 u're still a freshie.... den u grow up with them for about 4-5 years.... together with them u share ur joys n sadness... they do know u better..... with them, i can talk about the backstreetboyz without being criticize... in fact they join in my excitement as well... but the thing is we r not as close as b4... they're bz wif their life n i'm too caught up wif mine.......

i still remember the tym wen all of us are stress over n-level..... every single noise polltuion will stir us up.... even the birds aren't spared.... zahirah will shout at them, "eh bird shut up lah..... n level coming u know... wan to study...." wen the lower secs make noise pass the corridor, we gerls will shout at them and said," can u all please walk quietly?? ass...." and i still remember u ppl will laugh at me for saying chibai at the end of evry sentence i made....

fiqah n mardiana... ingat tak dat tym sanggup after school gi westmall library looking for foreign languages book for us to self study.... fiqah japan, nana french me spanish..... y??? to fight back words in different languages to biys in our class..... datz d way we de-stress right????and u guys always protecting me from getting hurt from all the scumbags.... and fiqah, wen i was injured, u wait up until my dad arrived to pick me up.... and d otherz coming to my ouse without fail after school juz to gif me home tuition... i appreciate it....remember we will always share foods with each other most of the tymz....

zairah ingat tak wen national day singing competition st john n npcc were side by side supporting each other.... results npcc 2nd and st john 1st..... we celebrated together and screamed lyk monkeys eventhough we're in uniform..... seriously those were the days....

when we fought, we dun need to say sorry to each other and juz click back instantly.... in fact became stronger than.... we went lepakingz at westmall.... fiqah me n u will go to evry this fashion outlets in the west..... i missed u guys.... a lot..... this whole year, i've not met any of u guys other than nana n fiqah..... gawd i miz u guys to the max.... hope we all can meet up at nana's wedding.... ok??? the six of us, reunite for the last tym maybe.... i missed u guys so.... i missed the others as well....

now for me to be stronger, wenevr i'm down, i'll remind myself of my high school days from day 1 until we graduate....... dat will make me stronger.... dat will make me the zuraini i was b4........ i just can't live with this heartache...... just can't......

Everything I do, I do it for you... Bryan Adams...

2005-12-09T10:30:00.000+08:00

This song is dedicated to all of my true frenz...... primary, secondary and my nursing mates....

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Sumtimes i wonder...

2005-12-08T19:53:00.000+08:00

sumtymz i wonder wat's d use of rebelling in d end wat i want i still dun get..... wat's the point of being happy wen it's only for sumtym...... wat's d point of holding on wen i'm really feel lyk slipping?? can't understand..... juz can't..... i need their support but wenever i need it they dun show it... wenever i dun need it they will show it exaggeratingly.....

sumtymz i also wonder why tinge of jealousy happens when u see sum1 else closer to others... plain ridiculous doesn't it.... the more i'm expose to the world the more funnier it gets..... the more people i know n luv, the more lonelier i feel....

i'm tired.... if possible i juz wannabe in a very deep sleep.... d deepest ever... i'll wake up wen i want too.... but is dat possible??? nothing is impossible??? well i wanna be a power ranger or superman.... impossible??? i thought nothing is impossible.... heeeheee....

gilerz seybibelle slengz signing out....

Promises Are Meant To Be Broken...

2005-12-05T10:45:00.000+08:00

Guess what??? My mum almost hit me yesterday..... Why is it dat wenever i'm not having my hols she's throwing tantrum... juz plain hate it.....

I can't believe how naive i can be...... i believe every word dat she says.... what a lie... frenz are 4eva??? well at this point of tym, i know who is and who's not......

okay fariz went for op... op went smoothly..... on his post op day i din visit him coz aftn shift babe.... den on his 1st pod, went to visit him with joey his mum n sis n of coz sizid..... ada kah patut si paparazzi nie panggil aku rude ass sebab tak ajak dia.... de biler dah ajak, maha lambat..... klakar juga pegi dgn dorg.... we purposely made fariz laugh when he said he can't.... torturing him??? no lah... join in the fun.... dia sakit2 pun sempat charas orang.... nobody was spared, even kadik....... hehehe.....

now fariz is at home... went to visit him.... his niece was there..... alahai cute nya..... tapi i got to play with his niece for a short while coz nak kena ambik si paparazzi (in short pest).... hehehehe..... sorry joey....... gurau aje.... fariz enjoy ur long break...... get well soon.... we need u for d dancework okay..... goodbye....

updates!!!

2005-12-03T17:51:00.000+08:00

my attachment started last two weeks.... ok lah 60-40... if me n fariz got the same shift in the morning, we'll meet up... but most of the tym we go for meeting for danceworks.... k tiring.... now ayed is in the hospital... dah nak satu minggu dia kat sana... now going to visit him again but waiting for joey.... lembab sey si dia siap... aku terajang kang......

ever since i started work my relationship wif my mum is not so superb.... she juz dun understand me.... nvm dun wanna tok about it.....

i visited fariz twice.... the last visit was fun... thnx to ash shafiq and hilda... klakar... ash n shafiq made me laugh frm inside the train until the 3 of them go home... i think i disappoint ash..... sorry eh ash.... i hope evrything is all right wif ya.... gtg now.... eeeeeeeeeeee lambat arh joey.....

Funny isn't it???

2005-11-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

me n fariz had settled things out... we apologised to each other and are closer as ever.... ben is on bail and have to return to ourt nxt monday for the nxt hearing.... azman was given a fine only.... Alhamdullillah...... i'm so happy..... at least when i almost give up, things came back up..... man dgn alien skrg dah matair... sumthings wrongwif bro ayun..... juz got the feeling....

ayed thnx for it..... i lyk it seriously i do... cuma aku malu jer biler kau give the gift to me....thnx.....

my tooth hurt alot.... the swollen had spread to my lips.... mdm shymala almost sent me to a&e..... i dun wanna go dentist.... wanna save money for bsb concert nxt yr in s'pore... i heard 24 jan suntec city convection centre.....

what happened to me????

2005-11-20T19:37:00.000+08:00

i thought i would be fine today... my gums hurt alot due to my toothache and it's swollen.... from bad to worst......

after adding a new entry earlier, i thought i can carry on as per normal.... who m i lying??? i'm not... i feel nauseated today... after eating, i vomitted what i ate.... dats my only meal for today... ate four panadols extra in less than 4 hours..... useless.... i was easily irritated just now.... was very mad.... den ben msged me n asked me how am i??? suddenly i cried.... i missed him... didn't have the chance to meet him for the last time.... den all the memories of yesterday outingz came back hard to me..... evryone was crying....

wat is this nonsense aini??? bring out the old zuraini... gerl get a grip....waiting for his reply... if he agrees to meet me tmr, i'll meet him.... if not, i'll go to my spot.... the spot full of memories..... but relaxing... gotta go there juz got to..

---- my world came crashing down-----

2005-11-20T12:55:00.000+08:00

fought wif ayed, oops sorie fariz..... i've lost d right to call him ayed.... acception no.1..... fought with fariz bcoz of a mistake i siad to joey.... might nvr c u guys again..... n wen i tried to explain, evrything went wrong... i said dat to joey is for joey n sizid nvr him.... n i dun really mean it.... n wen i told him i wanna distant myself a way from problematikz n dancerz inc, without letting me finish, he called me selfish....nvr thought of th others n nvr thought of how he felt....i wanna distant away not putuskan bond, i need a break... i need to sort my mind out.... to really choose which is better... which my parents will really lyk me to be wif.... they chose dancerz inc... my mum wants me to stop seeing d problematikz but it's too late.... dancerz inc do not wants me... i lost a friend who can tell me what to do... i thought of calling him just to talk but i remembered his words so clearly... dun call if there's nothing important to talk about... so i din call, diz might not be important for him....

wen we fought he told me he do not want to come to my open house.... i asked him a couple of times..... and his answer throughout was no.... y din he tell me he's coming wif joey n sizid wen i msg him.... i tot he meant it so i went out wif my problematikz.... but wen i was in the train, he called me.... he sounded really pissed and juz hung up on me.... i cried n evry1 was watching.... the others tried to console me... it took them 5 mins but i cried again when fiqah called... she ask me wats wrong.... i told her the truth... n i told her dat i felt lost without her.... n i felt dat i lost her.... den i found another "fiqah" n i felt dat i lost "fiqah" again.... i cried all the way to mak aini's hse.... there, evrything came tumbling down.... there, i realised all the laughter n happiness problematikz show is juz a pretence to cover up their sadness juz to prevent me from feeling hurt even more.... zielah cried at mak aini's hse... fizah n d rest console her.. i tried but i ended up crying.... i din eat at hm dat much so ayun n azmi practically forced me to eat.....aft eating me ayun sut n azmi sang a lestari song and a spring song.... mak aini n uncle laughed....

den we make our way to fiqah house... she prepare us compilations of karaoke songs.... i told her briefly of wat happens to me... she gave me some advice as well.. all of us sang n were happy suddenly all the girls were crying... ayun suddenly flare up azman n azmi were very quiet... fiqah looked at me i looked at her.... aft ayun pukul mamat... he went to the kitchen n i was surprised to see my brudder cry in frt of me... i nvr saw d cheerful ayun who always cheer me up cried..
he refused to tell me wats wrg but wen he finally did, i realise they were protecting me frm crying even more.... ben n azman will b charge in court tmr... ben msg n told us to take care n he will miz us very much.... azman hugged me n asked me to take good care of myself... they'e expecting the worst 5 yrs imprisonment... me n ayun is expectin fine only...

y is diz happening.... y does evry1 have to leave after i began to love them dearly??? first fariz disown me n is currently ignoring me, den ben n azman might be jailed.... y dun they leave me wen i dun knw how to love others... y now??? den my mum doesnt wants me to join problematikz anymore.... she prefers dancerz inc...wat should i do dancerz inc tak nak aku....and if stay wif problematikz i lost my real family??? wat m i suppose to do.....I'VE LOST EVERYTHING... fariz, i need u back...nvr was my intention to leave u or distant away from u.... i dun want to... but if u want to, i can't help it... can't bring myself to hurt u more.... pain of being hurt is tolerable.... pain of hurting is unbearable..... I'VE CAUSED U GREAT PAIN I KNOW AND I'M SORRY.... if u can forgive n take her back as ur sis.... y not me??? y not me.... i dunnoe whether u need me or not but i know i need u back as my friend my bro.....

Another new entry....

2005-11-16T15:54:00.000+08:00

Pu3 Annie menyanyi....." Izinkan diriku meluahkan rasa maafkan lah aku andai kau terasa, biarku paparkan apa yg terjadi moga ngkau tak ulang...." huehuehue.... ain karut.....

tadikan aku tolak semua kerusi meja aku ke tepi.... den aku buka lagu janet jackson.... lepas tu sambil vacuum rumah sambil tu aku berjoget dan bernyanyi feeling2 janet jackson lah huahuahua.... yg klakar nya lagu black cat aku combine dance step get it on d floor dgn asmaradana kena sey.... huehuehue....... aku joget lagu escapade lah... what haf u done for me lately lah....... mcm org giler sey... wekeke.....tul-tak-be eh??? slengz betul... wakaka......

jap lagik aku kena gie tgk fateha perform kat skola.... concert band... kekdg aku jeles tgk adik2 aku... kalau dorg perform mesti they make an effort to watch.... fahmi pun sama... dulu tym aku pri 2 perform malay dance, mama abah tak turun pun.... dorg cuma tgk aku perform kat skola biler fahmi pun perform.... sampai skrg apa2 show aku dorg tk gi... maybe bcoz aku dah biasa dorg tk tgk sebab tu aku tak nak dorg tgk.... haizz....

mak aini and mimi are rite.... i'm a naive girl who live in fantasy... in my fantasy i'm surrounded wif ppl.... reality check.... i'm not... i'm alone.... ain, wake up girl... look at the reality.... stop making urself lyk a fool... live as b4 u're happy wen u're crazy... be strong... be strong..... well wat do i care..... i should be crazy...

ratu sanggul nyanyi," drive myself crazy..." wekeke...

nurul aini

2005-11-15T20:29:00.000+08:00

IMG_2664
Originally uploaded by kinhans.

sisters friends.... not lesbians arh...

bears, lin, sizid and me

2005-11-15T20:27:00.000+08:00

IMG_2666
Originally uploaded by kinhans.

kat rumah joey... joey kat dlm bilik tgh pakai tuala jer....wekeke

raya & gombak dance

2005-11-15T20:24:00.000+08:00

raya & gombak dance
Originally uploaded by kinhans.

dats me moi sis adha and bears.... thnx adha kerana menunggu walaupun dah lambat gie kerja... huahuahua...

me,nurul,ayed and lin

2005-11-15T20:21:00.000+08:00

IMG_2676
Originally uploaded by kinhans.

this was taken b4 our performance at gombak..

i'm getting paranoid

2005-11-15T14:25:00.000+08:00

i'm too worried... bcoz i care alot datz why i'm driving myself crazy... i should get a grip of myself b4 i lose control.... NURZUR'AINI BINTE ZAKARIA.... everything is gonna be fine... BULLSHIT.... until evrything's fine den it's fine....

please be fine... u said u wanna leave a msg for me at ur blog... where is it??? do u really mean it... at least write down something in ur blog.... my mind is going haywire... i know u wanna tell me something... i know u r keeping something frm me... just blurt it out..... i dun wanna guess... i hate guessing games... tell me u're going to be fine b4 ur (u know what)...... i want u to promise me one thing, when u wanna go for dat, clear ur mind... dun think about any of ur problems... 4get abt those who hurt u.... juz want u to know i'm praying real hard for evrything to run smoothly... if u're scared or anything ring me up....

i guess i'm irritating him..... sorie to irritate u yar.... i'm juz worried.... i dun wanna lose d best friend i've ever had in 2005..... take care....

i think i need a break for myself... to be away..... i dun wanna irritate any1.... i myself am irritated by my own self..... gotta go now my teeth is seriously killing me.... u know who u are, once u read diz, at the very least sms me or call me dat u're gonna be fine..... if u're going for dat, inform me 1st.... i'll b at eae then.....help me plz.... i'm going paranoid here....

ThNx fOr eVeRyThInG... (gd n bad)

2005-11-14T11:51:00.000+08:00

The good, to all of my friends thank u so much.... for all the laughters..... and fine memories....
to a friend dat have always listen to my nonsense, thnx for being a gd listener and my bear in class.... to another who asked me to go, i wanna thank u very much.... thnx for gaining my confidence trust and faith in friendship.... thnx for the care n concern u had shown to me.... thanx for believing in me.... thnx for giving me new friends.... thnx for all of the sacrifices u've done....

the bad.... To those who created pain to my friend.... thnx for doing that.... thnx for making him lose confidence in friends at times when his life is so vulnerable.... thnx for making me lose another best friend..... To diz friend of mine... i know i did u wrong.... aku minta maaf sebab tak salam kau semlm.... aku minta maaf sebab tak hug u for probably the last time.... i refused to accept the fact that i 'm gonna meet u for the last time.... datz not gonna happen... no way.... but y are u ignoring me???? why are u pushing me aside???? yes my toothache is killing me but the heartache headache u've caused me kills me more.... i'm sorry and i really am....

to dat certain friend, i know my words in msn is seriously hurting u.... wat hurts u hurts me more coz aku yg harus lafazkannya dan aku tahu aku menyakitkan hati seseorang yg tgh sakit....itu satu dosa yg aku harus tanggung..... i have to take dat responsibility....dgn cara tu, aku harap kau takkan tinggalkan aku..... jgn pasal tiga dara pingitan tu punya cakapan ke apa kau nak jauhkan diri daripada nurul dan aku.... jgn pasal kau nak jauhkan diri kau dari gombak dgn tamp kau nak ketepikan aku.... aku pernah bilang kau nie aku akan bilang lagi sekali... it's not easy for u to befriend me and it aint gonna be easy for u to discard me okay???

To A Certain Friend...

2005-11-10T17:01:00.000+08:00

I dunnoe how to say this... but wateva i'm gonna say here, i want u to read a couple of times think about it and not misinterpret it...... i've tried saying it face to face whenever u're with me.... but looking at u when u're having fun and smiling and laughing, i'm scared i will lose that happy moment of yours by bringing tears to ur eyes...... when u're sad and depressed, i tried to tell u but it will just worsen ur condition.... so i hope u read this b4 ur -u know what-...... this is entry is specially for u.... u know who u are.... and i know those who read this will know who i'm dedicating this entry to too.... hope u get what i wanna say and if u cried after reading this i'm sorry... i never meant to make tears run down ur cheeks.... Never my intention....

i've lost a certain best friend b4.... i've lost the closeness of me and her.... lost the times we had for each other.... how's my relationship with her? we went out together... we share our problems together... went to each other house.... sang karaoke together... choreographed dance together... be there for each other.... get to know each other family......try to change each other... exchange point of view and experience together... and protective of each other... but that was then... b4 we lost our closeness and went our separate ways.... lucky for her she found him... so she's not alone.... whereas for me.... eventhough i got thousands of friends... there's still something missing in my heart....... eversince then i never thought i would be happy again and gain any trust to be close to anyone again.... i thought i was strong and happy by myself..... i thought i can survive alone.... BULLSHIT..... i'm just lying to myself... even with the problematikz i still feel the emptiness within me.... i refused to accept the fact that i need someone like her.... i refused to realised dat i actually am looking for someone like her......how hard i tried no one is.... until i went out with u....

the first time we went out together at the esplanade... u asked me a question that even she ask me b4.... at first to me it's just a coincidence... then all the praises and the words of encouragement u gave to me so similar to her.... at first i hardened my heart and refused to accept u as a friend.... i stoneheaded myself to be close to u.... i told myself u lost someone too so there's no way we can trust each other... i tried to create a barrier but i just can't.... in a way, u managed to make me realised u're the friend i needed..... it wasn't my intention to replace the friend u lost.... no one can ever replace her.... nobody not even me... u know dat i know dat..... and i will not try and do not want to try to replace her....... my intention when i get myself close to u is because, i want u to replace my past.... i want u to make me forget abt my times with her..... u almost did.... watever times we spent together it's so similar to her..... and i'm happy very happy.... the difference btwn u and her is that u r now have been accepted into my family as one of my siblings as well.... not her..... she din really gain my parents trust... unlike u..... i was happy when i'm with u and ur friends..... i enjoyed all the times when we're together at school and out.... i thought i would be happy and heavyclouds of unhappiness had drifted away and nvr to be back.....

i was wrong.... very wrong...... after last night, u really pierced me really deep... i can sense dat u're creating a barrier for us.... when u left me, i cried all of a sudden.... i cried d same way i cried d day i lost her.... and i thought i would nvr cried like dat aft her... wanna know why i cried??? it's bcoz i'm losing again.... i was surprised myself coz i tot mimi was her replacement.... but no.... u r....... wen me and mimi drifted apart, i nvr cried like i did for her.... but when u behaved like u r creating a wall btwn us i cried very badly..... my friendship with u is so sincere..... i promised i will nvr leave u but y do u want to leave me..... after u gain everything for me, like my self-esteem and my faith from my parents u're leaving just like dat??? u're ignoring me just like dat??? thnx my esteem just dropped again.... bcoz u've proven to me dat, i'm not good in keeping my friends no matter how hard i tried.....

wat's with the cold treatment u're giving me??? u've nvr done dat b4.... y now???? what happens to all the promises we made????we will always be together no matter what happen..... if u want to distant away from gombak dgn tamp i understand but y me??? u wun allow me to visit u maybe i understand but i can't promise i won't..... aini tk pernah minta apa2.... cuma satu jer aini pohon, izinkan aini..... please, i will feel very bad if i dun go...

aini merayu to u jgn dera aini camnie.... by ignoring me.... by treating me coldly.... please dont.... aini dah hilang dia, aini tak nak hilang awak.... i know u're scared.... please let me be by ur side... i'm sincere to be there for u as a friend as i've no frined left to be there for me.... masing2 ada hal sendiri.... if u want i will go as low as to kneel and beg for u not to loosen or destroy the bond we made together for months..... maafkan segala kesalahan aini please...... aini merayu dan memohon jgn tinggalkan aini.... i was strong then but not now....

i dun wanna pretend anymore dat i'm fine... wen i lost her my laughter is juz to cover up my tears.... my happiness is to cover up my sadness.... when we're together, evrything is real no pretence.... u're not alone.... if u're attached to my family, dun shove my family away... stop doing ur sacrifices alone.... if u love ur friends so much, y do u ask Allah s.w.t to take ur life away..... wat will happen to those who luv u as well if u leave?? have u thought of that??? So wat if all is taken away in just a silent minute??? if u let dat minute go and pay attention, wat u lost u gain back twice....

hold on to our promise... wateva happens u, me and another(u know who) frenz foreva.... remember dat promise??? hold dat promise.... please...... please stop dis nonsense of creating a distant..... please don't... aini bersyukur dpt teman yg ikhlas, jujur dan suci niat nya.... i've nvr felt touched or so happy to have a friend who really proves dat he/she cares.....i'm glad i've found u and grown fond of u.... so please, believe in urself... and believe in me.... dun leave our friendship just lyk dat.... from a friend to a friend and sis to sis/bro.... from the bottom of my broken heart, I LUV U & CARE FOR U very much... once u read and understand this entry this please ring me up and tell me what u think... dun disappoint me please... i'll be waiting for ur call... u know who u are........ diz is for u,adapted from a malay movie, "tak guna ada mata kalau tak dpt melihat.... tak guna ada hati kalau tak dpt menilai..." if u want ur answer ask ur heart.... deep inside....

---Misunderstading----

2005-11-10T16:22:00.000+08:00

First to my secondary frenz... even to those who had hurt me time and again.... and to those who criticizes me as well..... in a way, i missed u ppl a lot... our friendship with each other there's lots af obstacles.... and i'm glad no matter what happened, until today we are still friends and we're mature enough to forgive each other without even verbalizing it.... thank u... our friendship i will treasure.... the happiness i'll remember....

nxt to my other frens.... good memories will always be fresh in my mind... and the first time we met is an expensive treasure i'm holding deep within my heart...... time are too short for me to spent with u.... maybe datz why we do not know each other very well and misubderstandings are bound to happen.....

in one of my entry i did say about hypocrites..... it's a general statement... i was pissed at somebody and i typed it..... but nvr it came to my mind some friends of mine terasa.... aini tak ckp korg pe.... kalau korg tak buat salah apa2 korg tak sepatutnye terasa.... and the pengkhianat terus terang aini ada bilang fil it's bcoz of one particular guy..... yg tahu the story abt wat happened until aini said dat is nurul and ayed and fiqah.... tak terlintas ke fikiran aini yg kekwn aini yg pernah aini kongsi dukacita aini bersama terasa.... sesungguhnya ia bukan niat aini.... maybe i was wrong to insert dat part directly after i said " we drifted too far apart "... i should not insert it directly aft dat... i'm sorry it's my mistake.... tapi sesungguhnya kalau korg tak bersalah tak usah terasa.... bak kata pepatah,"siapa yg memkn cili dialah terasa pedasnya".... terus terang aini kata it's not u peeps.... dat one i have to clear......

2005-11-07T13:25:00.000+08:00

Wanna know what happened on my 2nd day raya???? fariz, fifi, joey and sizid dtg rumah aku!!! gerek!!!! wanna know how the story goes???? sit back sit tight rileks and enjoy...

okay early in the morning at 10 o'clock, fariz called me... ask me to call joey sebab joey nak conference dgn kiter... tym conference d 2 of them say, they will reach around 2 latest 3 not more than 3.... aku dgn mama adalah terkelam kabut masak kemas rumah siapkan barang2... i suspect they will b late... maklumlah dorg kan keturunan lmbt....hehehe... memang sah dorg lmbt... sempat aku dgn mama tido jap sampai kul 5++.... biler aku call fariz, baru kluar rumah lah, baru nak jumpa sizid, otw gi gombak, baru sampai rumah joey, lagi 15 min kluar... dah masok keberapa kali aku call baru nak kluar rumah... aku nyer mengamuk aku letak telefon... biler makcik aku sampai muka aku serupa dgn muka kuali.... sebab dah 6++ dorg tak sampai2 lagi. mama adalah terpujuk aku sebab aku nak mengamuk habis nyer...

kul 7 call fariz lagi, dorg dlm taxi tgh sesat.... bukan nya nak tanya aku kan... slenge... si joey boleh loyar buruk lagi... biler fariz tanya," rumah kau tepi tangga kan?" joey sempat kata," tepi tangga joo chiat complex.." tak baik sey,.... aku terajang kang....

biler dorg sampai rumah aku tgh mengemas kat dapur, jadi pakaian aku selekeh sikit lah... dgn kain aku, t-shirt aku, dgn apron... dorg masok rumah jer, si joey tgk aku and ckp," gerl, harus kau pakai cam tu siap dgn apron..." trus dia ketawa yg lain semua pun ketawa... aku stare kat joey, "diam kau tahi lalat... dasar tak syg tahi lalat kau kan?? dah lah dtg lmbt..." nxt is the dialogue of wat happened...

aini: korg nye kul 3 kul 7 eh? tahu baca jam ke tidak?
sizid: (tgk jam dinidng aku) alah gerl baru kul 2 lah... apa arh kau nie..
fariz: kiter kan dari states kan ada time difference...
joey and fifi: (ketawa jer...)

den aku gie lah tukar baju... dah tuker baju kena perli dgn joey... " eh dah transform?? mana si annie yg siap dgn apron tadi?" kitorg kat meja mkn non-stop hits.... eh tak non-stop ketawa... den kiter gie ambik gambar.... aft dat kiter nyanyi karaoke....apa arh sizid dgn fifi malu.... nvm nxt tym k??? den too bad suara joey serak.... kalau tak suara dia pun not bad jugak... mama puji ayed.... handsome lah suara sedaplah.... alamak tak leh angz... he is now officially my mum's anak angkat...

lepas tu dorg stay kat rumah lama plan nak stay sampai kul 11 nak tgk midnite movie... tapi tgk movie kat rumah aku... melalak2 abis tissue aku... hehehe..... they stayed until 1245.... my family semua pegi rumah my relative...fun... hope to have the experience again... hope that the 4 of u enjoyed ur time here...

--- i dunnoe wat to do-----

2005-11-04T02:48:00.000+08:00

i'm stuck in btwn.... i got options a and b..... both i had my own pros and cons... how can i leave em?? ppl i spent months with... my joys my tears..... my laughter..... as much as i dun wanna let go, i dun wanna loosen the bond i just made with new buddies.... if i choose to stay, will i be happy??will i lose the other party??? if i choose to go, will they still be my friends?? how bad will i miss them... will they stick together?? will the other party welcome me with open arms???

either one, will they trust me??? if i choose to stay, will they have the confidence in me like they have now??? if i choose the other party, will they trust me?? will i gain everyone's trust in either way??? i donnoe.... i dun wanna be known as a traitor or betrayer....

temptation to live is very high.... i love the company of the other party.... so much until i tempted to leave the fruit of my seed... but by quenching my thirst of freedom and growing up, the risk of severing the ties i'm holding tightly os similarly very high too...

i dunnoe what to do... goodness... i dun wanna lose th things i work hard for neither do i want to lose the things i longed and struggling to achieve.... which ever decision i made, i hope it will be happy with it and no regrets..... Ya Allah tolonglah ku..... if u asked me, my decision is made up 60%-40%.....let's just see how it goes.... bcbt....jgfi.... seandainya ada kekecewaan??? well, btdt, so dah season....plz, let me made the right choice...

Lotsa stories so little time...

2005-11-04T02:24:00.000+08:00

where to start i myself dunnoe... let's start with today 1st.... it's hari raya.... same old thing the young seek forgiveness from the adults or elders.... i used to love the first day of hari raya... bt not today... why??? i got a terrible toothache.... didn't enjoy the kuihs... i broke record, i only eat at y grandma's hse and my close aunt's house.... thanx to the terrible toothache.....

On 1st november, met ayed at gombak den went to joey's house... plan to choreographed dance.... when we reached there, sizid and joey were asleep on the sofa... izwan was there too... oklah izwan orgnye very the pendiam but sweet lah.... joey's mum was funny and fifi his sister was so cute... remind me of nafisah in a way.... watched senario... i laughed as per normal... horrible... still joey and sizid carry on sleeping... den me and fariz went to start dancing inside joey's room... joey woke up and joined us... den came along polly.... eh salah sizid... hehehe.... lepas 2, three, eh tak aft dat izwan.... k lah dance sejpa dgn ayed tetiba aku rasa mcm malas nak dance.... den we all sat and talked to each other... survey songs to choose for joey... tgh lepakings gitu tetibe joey ajak pi karaoke kat lot1.... i said lah i dun wanna join den joey and fariz looked at me and asked me to join.... oklah.... b4 kluar joey and sizid sempat gaduh jap... apalah korg nie aku letak satu bilik bomb kang baru tahu.... aku tak suka bila joey marah or pissed... takot sey... habis tertanggal sanggul aku biler tgk dia marah or pissed... wakakaka..... kat karaoke, FUN.... tgk gelagat dorg 4 org menyanyi (or should i say melalak) dgn cara joey lagi.... KELAKAR.... FUN GILER TO THE MAK!!!! but i kept quiet most of the time bcoz 60% of the songs lagu jiwang kegemaran aku.... jadi aku feeling lah jap..... i enjoyed my time with them.... alot!!!!

Now serious stuff..... Kpd semua kwn NURZUR'AINI ZAKARIA.... baik primary,secondary or Institute of Technical Education dan semua yg mengenali diri saya......... Sempena hari baik bulan baik ini, saya ingin menyusun 10 jari meminta maaf dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki seandainya ada salah silap atau terkasar bahasa yg cara tak sengaja atau sengaja dilontarkan kpd kalian.... kalau mana hutang piutang yg saya lupa bayar atau pun terhutang, harap halalkan lah....Selamat hari raya Minal Aidil Walfaizin....

~~Thursday 27, October~~

2005-10-29T13:21:00.000+08:00

In the morning,
Went to Fariz's house.....
Talked about stuff....
Used his computer...

In the afternoon,
went to bedok with faris...
Met fais...
Fariz left me alone...
went to the library with fais and talked to him...
given some advice...
Fariz came up and told me some bad news...
then he left me and went to geylang t meet sizid....
apa sey org pun nk jumpa sizid...

in the evening,
went to bugis with fais... window shopping with him...
oklah fun....
we talked a bit...
he sent me home...
was late coz caught in a heavy downpour...

overall it was alright... i forgot aout my worries for a while....
gtg.... update nxt tym....

wat a bad start....

2005-10-27T11:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday, was the first tym ayed dance with problematikz....
wat i fear came true...
he dun really lyk it....
ok bad start....
den he loosen up a bit...

den came the person who wants to sponsor us...
ok i dun like his way of doing business....
i dun trust him...
my sister is pissed at me now coz me and ayed disagree....
i still have to think...
i dun tink he will stay long in my group...

now my social life....
we're drifting apart...
too far apart for us to come back....
and there's diz one jackass...
pengkhianat..
ngkau jgn harap aku nak pandang kau lagi ok....
kepercayaan aku dgn kau dah musnah sesama sekali.....

24/10/05

2005-10-24T19:31:00.000+08:00

behavioural paper today...
i dun tink i did well...
but nvm....

last saturday went to joey's house again...
met up with mimi and sizid there too...
to me it's fun lah...
biasa arh tgk gelagat dorg yg so confusing kekdg...
cara sizid step merajuk..
cara mimi marah aku sebab tak makan...
and cara jory kata hello...
hehehe... enjoy to the max with them...

life sux isn't it?
we're surrounded by hypocrites....
talam dua muka...
ular lidah bercabang....
ular kepala dua...
so immature...
i'm so disappointed...
but still life have to go on doesn't it....

2 more days to my dance practice again with my problematikz....
miz em...
lost a few gain a new...
doesn't matter....

quote:- THERE'S NOTHING WORTH THE WEAR OF WINNING,BUT LAUGHTER AND LOVE OF FRIENDS...

wat happened diz past few days...

2005-10-22T15:27:00.000+08:00

Thursday 20 october... went to ayed's house.... rilekz2 chill here.... then in the evening ikut dia gi rumah joey.... chatter chatter chit chat with him.... oklah gerek fun.... he introduced me to 2 songs gerek to the maximum.....

friday buka rumah nenek.... sad... rindu arwah atuk.... din enjoy dat much.... den gi ambik my mum kat imm... oklha.... survey sana sini.... fahmi buat aku ketawa giler nyer sampai customer lain tgk aku.... idiot... tak habis2 dgn kau nyer bouncing balls.... wakakaka.....

today go to ayed's house nak tgk niece dia... later heading to joey's and meet up with sizid and mimi.....maybe aku call kwn sec aku and meet them instead of going to joey.... tgk lah camner.... gtg c ya!!!

...Jealous...

2005-10-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

Do u know diz feeling or emotion is always there with or w/o ur knowledge?

To me,
this feeling is not a gd emotion 4 any of us.
Feeling JEALOUS may cause someone to be STRESSED or suffer of DEPRESSION.
And i think i'm suffering from it...

She got lotsa friends.... But why mine??
N i m so freakingly stupid to introduce to her or show her evry single one i know....
But i only know about 1/10 of hers only...
She's always the centre of attraction...
I'm always the shadow...
She's oh so overprotective until i'm scared of commitment.....
Wen can i learn by making my own mistake??
Like she did....
I wish dat i could be her but i can't n nvr will....
datz the fact...
another fact.....
no doubt i love her so much....
b'coz of dat...
I can't do anything but suffer in silence...
for the good of it....
and the sake of our happiness...

Aini Ayed Joey

2005-10-18T11:47:00.000+08:00

IMG_2348
Originally uploaded by kinhans.

ratu,diva,paparazzi..... hehehe

Joey and me

2005-10-18T11:46:00.000+08:00

IMG_2352
Originally uploaded by kinhans.

Me and joey kat depan outram park tgh tunggu si prasan knowles....

me, nurul, ayed and my wo new frenzies

2005-10-18T11:42:00.000+08:00

IMG_2350
Originally uploaded by kinhans.

The first tym i lepakingz with joey and sizid.... at sgh.... kesian eh? bnyk2 tempat, di sgh kiter berpeluang utk lepakingz together-gether...

Happy but sad....

2005-10-18T11:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went to sgh to see ayed's new born niece.... She is seriously the very the honestly the ki-ut.... Tak leh angkat..... heret pun tak leh.... aku peh bising... sampai nurul dgn ayed pun get kinda irritated.... hehehe.....

den tgh tunggu ummi, tetiba joey dtg... dgn pantas nya aku minta dia nyer ipod nano.... aku dgn nurul check out dia nyer list of songs lah.... gerek2... dia nyer taste of songs sikit lebih kurang cam aku.... den sizid dtg.... best nyer....

den buka sesama... and all the nonsense began...... i really enjoyed it.... very the much...... sizid is so sweet, sanggup patah balik ke rumah simei dia dari outram n patah balik just to take joey nyer uniform cover.... sweet kan????

den mimi dtg... ok as usual aku tak habis2 gaduh dgn dia lah...... lepas bebual dgn kak ana, kiter semua balik.... aku kena balik dgn ayed dgn anak2 dara tu...hehehe..... meet sizid kat platform..... seriously kpd aku sizid is so freakingly sweet lah..... joey is fun.............. very the fun.....

can't wait to lepakingz with u guys again.... tak sabar......

2005-10-17T11:32:00.000+08:00

Okay forget about my unhappiness... Nak tahu about (wat my two close frenz calls it as) my stupidity??? hehehe... there's this fren of mine, dia msg me kata something about wanting to go out but no frenz.... k lah honestly i know he wants to ask me out it's juz dat dunnoelah rasa mcm tak sedap gitu... especially biler poket aku tgh berlobang besar.... hehehe.. so i kinda say dat i dunnoe where to go lah pasal duit kering...den dia reply as k jer..... den i din reply he oso nvr reply...... missed the chance..... biasalah kena panggil bodoh.... oi kwn2 ku syg.... dia tu ajak aini kluar setakat as afren jer...... okay... peace peach peaches....

....I'm either pissed,confused or just plain insecure...

2005-10-17T11:01:00.000+08:00

I dunnoe.... One minute my sis says dat we have sponsorship another minute we don't.... inilah susahnya dgn org berego.... i made up my mind, she or anyone should not discuss business about problematikz without the full MiLiaAyunNi..... yes she's the leader, but that doesnt mean she have to think about the good or bad about the group alone... ayun and me are founderz of problematikz too... we should discuss it together.... desicion must be made together.... and the person she say she can turn to have to know me first before anything.... this time round i want her to discuss everything with me.... kak ira is not yet an official member to us yet.... yes i'm grateful that kak ira is trying to help... but u muz see me not as ur godsis.... this group involves me as well ok..... i'm part of the high authority...... wanna discuss business???? lia is not the only decision maker....... mimi s not the only one too..... AYUN AND ME ARE TOO.... kiter tak nak pegang nama jer as founderz k???

i'm going to tell my sis today.... let's see what happen....

@~<~

2005-10-16T15:40:00.000+08:00

went to bugis with khai and ayed last friday.... oklah.... ayed marah aku sebab kasi survey top colour hitam jer.... cant help it, luv the colour so much... den halfway jumpa sizid!!! arh best.... walaupun we din tlk much, tgk gelagat dia dgn cara dia bebual best.... gelak.... aku jeles... dia beli 2 ipod nano.... satu utk dia satu utk joey..... oh best nye..... he spent abt 1000 in just a day.... giler arh kau sizid.... tapi tetap kau fun..... ni dah kedua kali aku jumpa sizid.... sama dgn joey lah.... cant wait to meet them again....

problematikz got lotsa offer... someone willing to sponsor us... clothing make-up and anything.... we had been given a spot to practice our dance under one condition... wateva function there is we have to perform.... we had been offered to perform alongside a well known group too.... but dat offer have to wait... we arent ready yet.... practice starts every saturday after fasting month...hope it went well.... we got am addtional member to the group.... will introduce him to the others on the first prac together... then he will b officially one of us...

Thnx Peeps!!!

2005-10-11T09:35:00.000+08:00

i admit i was stupid and ridiculous to be mentally distraught by babe's comment.... I'm stronger now to overcome it... It's rue when people says high school friends know u best..... Fiqah u are right girl by saying somehow or another i'll face this problem... Nana u're rite by saying i can overcome any obstacles or "cacian" yg dilontarkan kpd aku.... Cuma masa ajer yg akan membuat aku menyedarinye.... Lurve you guys for believing in me.... To my other frens thanx for ur support and words of encouragement.... it really helps..... Thnx to my new friend fais as well for saying such nice remarks about me..... ( i dunnoe how true it is though... hehehe).... Gotta go now.... Mdm G's lesson coming up..... Boring.... Can't find the purpose of attending her lesson....

Sorry to disappoint u....

2005-10-09T14:54:00.000+08:00

Babe sorry to disappoint u.... i can't vanish in this world.... and i am not going to kill myself no matter how strong the temptation is... Aku ciptaan Allah s.w.t.... Aku tak berhak memusnahkan ciptaan-Nya.... whether u like it or not, i'm still here... So what if u hates me... u're the rare species that hates me... in the ratio of 1:10..... 1 goes to those who hates me and 10 to those who don't..... why muz i vanish juz bcoz of u??? my problematikz lurve me ok..... my family loves me so much.... i got my secondary friends to be there for me.... even my ite frens lyk me the way i am.... why muz i be bothered with ur childish games???? u're nothing to me.... unlyk u, i got frens who accept me the way i am..... who are you i wanna know who u are...... if u're perfect enough show urself... i wanna see how perfect are u in this imperfect world.... COWARD!!!! if ayun (the most good looking guy i've ever met) can accept me as his sis for who i am.... why must i be bothered by a scum lyk you.... dun tell me u're jealous because i'm happy no matter how UG-ER-LY i am.... well too bad i'm happy very happy...... guess what i need to thank you because if it weren't for u, i would not have realise how blessed i am..... i'm blessed with a loving family (eventhough we had our ups and downs).... i'm blessed with a circle of friends who can accept me for my beauty inside not ugliness outside..... thanx babe for making me realise how lucky i am.... thnx babe very much..... this proves dat i dun have to vanish..... coz ppl will miss me.... dun ya guys??? i wanna meet u babe.... bukan nak gaduh... tapi nak ucapkan terima kasih berbakul2....... guess what.... i really do want to meet u and thank you face-to- face......

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

2005-10-08T17:05:00.000+08:00

DATZ IT I HAD IT ALREADY!!!! i've suffered enough for the past 7 years ago ok.... u wanna hear me admit is it babe?? yes, i know i'm ugly and horrible.... i can't help it!!! wat u want me to do??? kill myself??? if it isn't against the rule book i would have done it few years back... if i'm too ugly for you, dun look at me and stay away from my blog!!! coward? i'm no coward, i din ask them to back me up... i dared u to come forward to me didn't i??? i'm no coward... u are.... until now u don't dare to show urself.... if u look better than me, prove it..... i had enough... why are u doing this to me??? why??? what had i done wrong??? are you trying to drive me to my grave??? you want me to be extinct from this world?? u want me to vanish from ur eyes??? is dat what you want?? tell me what's my mistake??? why do you hate me so much??? i can't take it... not again.... i've suffered enough.... wanna know wat babe?? i juz wish dat u would come up to me and tell me why do u hate me so much.... if u want me to be lonely lyk u..... fine... i'll ignore all my frenz juz to be alone... is dat what u want????i dare u to show urself.... let's see who's the coward now.... by ur one and only UGLY GIRL TO BABE....

watevalah...

2005-10-06T11:37:00.000+08:00

wateva i type is wat i feel... yes we are still frenz no doubt..... it's just dat i dun get it lah... pasal the others u all tak nak tgk??? c'monlah.... at least fikirkan aku dgn ayed lah....alahai.... dayu dgn mun bleh sey tgk... alahai nvmlah... wat done is done cannot be undone.... fyi yg grp lain yg joget power tu pun menang, 2nd place..... aku bukannyer apalah...it's just dat, sumtyms i juz dun get it...... eva-watlah kan....

fasting month started yesterday.... memang patut pun nama aku gilerz.... nari puasa nari aku lari 2.4km...... hampir2 pitam pengsan sey...... unintentionnally worry nurul and ayed..... sorie......

ok tmr bdae nurul dgn ayun..... tak tahu whether i should or should not go out with them...... dun feel lyk it but longing for it.... mama pun dah kasi..... ayed kata maybe nxt wk buka sesama.... kesampaian ke????

oH mY!!

2005-10-04T10:49:00.000+08:00

Met joey, mimi and ayed at bedok yesterday..... told ayed what had happened at school... joey was so cool and cute... kelakar.... fun.... like his mole... like his smile... like his eyes... dia cute..... tak leh angkat.... tak leh heret..... hehehe.... sorie to turn down ur offer twice joey.... nxt tym eh?? hehehe.... can't wait to meet u and sizid again.....

den met faiz too... setakat ambik cd ajer.... i like his scooter..... cool man... looking forward to see u again too....

one of my frens is not his own self.... beginning to worry me... alot..... jgn ini mcm lah nyah.... hehehe..... i missed ur smile.... abt the others i dunnoe.... mcm lain rasanya semenjak dua menjak ini..... oklah gtg....

hold it.... last saturday problematikz perform at gombak.... they book us for another show on 12 nov.... faiz and kak az are looking for sponsors for us.... sweet kan????

2005-10-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

guess wat? my group DANCERZ INC. won first prize!!!!We won first prize man.... happy sey... the first few people i scanned for after the result were announced weren't there.... i thought they were there during our performance... i found out they weren't there.... it was so heart-breaking... why weren't they there to support us?? why weren't they there at all??? wateva.... i'm glad the others support us.... thnx ben sebab stay back to support us... thnx to other strangers for wishing us best of luck..... thnx abg bear and adha for coming down to support us... twice pulak tu.... hehehe thank you eh??? thnx q and nisha and hana sebab stay back dgn kitorg after the show... to all those who supported us thank you so much... i really appreciate it...

ayed, wat u said last saturday is so unfair towards me.... u know i will nvr leave u.... abih asal ayed rasa nak berenti??? ayed nak tinggalkan aini dgn nurul jugak ke??? ayed tak kesian kan kiter dorang ke??? dah tak dilayan seperti dulu....

met joey and sizid..... cute sey..... friendly sey.... biler ayed nak ajak me nurul and bear lepak2 dgn dorg???? ajak jgn tak ajak..... i also want to get to know them better.... they're so cute and good-looking.... cair sak ain.. sejap je... hehehe... honestly hoping so much to get to know them better...

get to know new guy thru my sis.... named faiz..... sweet..... dia tak habis2 panggil me cute.... "cute is ugly but adorable" i'm not cute, i'm ugly but i'm adorable......hehehe.... msg him juz now.... dier call me cute gerl tau..... seriously... faiz u're so sweet....

I wish I can vanish!!!

2005-09-27T10:21:00.000+08:00

Why do people hate me just for the way i look??? babe is not the first one to say that.... i've suffered enough criticism when i was in secondary school.... do u know that it's hurting and mentall disturbing when people say such things about urself?

To babe lah, stop doing this to me... kalau betul2 tak suka aini bersemuka lah dgn aini.... cakap terus terang.... aini tahu aini hodoh gelap gemuk...... kiter ciptaan Allah s.w.t kan?? awak tak berhak apa kutuk ciptaan Nya.... seriously come forward tell me straight in the first what's my mistake to piss you off...

Seandainya keburukan aini sungguh menjijikkan kpd anda lah babe, bukan niat aini.... kalau boleh dah lama aini hilangkan diri...... So as not to disturb u.....

This entry goes to babe... especially for babe

2005-09-26T16:54:00.000+08:00

Eh babe or should i say, BABI..... apa kena dgn kau???? aku tak cari pasal dgn kau kan???? apa salah luaran aku sampai ganggu ketenteraman kau???? sekarang aku nak tunjukkan kau aini mcm mana..... aku cabar kau bersemuka dgn aku one on one..... kalau kau betul pempuan we settle it gerls style... (tarik rambut skali eh babe) kalau kau JANTAN yg dah sunat, confront aku... kalau blom sunat continue lah dgn kau nyer nonsense....... aku sunatkan kau sampai kodong alat jantan kau k..

ayed to babe:eh babe kau asal sial kacau sis aku..da lame hidup eh..eh kau tu kurus kering muke mcm makan sumpah!!rambut greasy tak terurus..tgk mcm aku..modern..hensem ..kelas..pakai celak pun kene..bkn mcm kau...kau nk step ape ah.eh dgr sini eh..kau better stop all this cos i cnt take it..aku beri kau muke dulu k..kau ni pegi imh seek treatment..attention SEEKER..sapu taik palat mak kau pat umuke kau eh..ah ape2 kau leh tag aku pat aku nye blog..which is ayedancer!!k..be my guest..now aini back 2 u gerl..

aini: skrg babe kau tgk.... aku ada sokongan.... CONFRONT AKU SEKARANG!!!! kutuk aku depan muka aku...... kalau ada bodek tunjukkan kau nye bodek.... kalau takder tunjuk kau nyer papaya k.... BABELO, BARABARIAN BAGHERO..... CHAO CHIBAI!!!!! inilah aini skrg!!!! BABI!!!!!

Adams Bryan - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You Song Lyrics

2005-09-20T12:20:00.000+08:00

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more

I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you